President Monson's Relief Society Talk

In our church, we believe that God speaks to us through His apostles and prophets. We believe that what they say to us in conferences is what God needs us to hear and know. Today, the President of our church and the man we believe to be a prophet, seer, and revelator is Thomas S. Monson. When he spoke to the women of the church in the Relief Society General Conference, I knew that the things, he had to say, were things that God needed me to hear and to adjust in my life. I am very grateful to have a prophet of God to deliver these messages to us. I realize I have some things to change that will indeed help me improve my life and my family.

He said, "None of us is perfect. I know of no one who would profess to be so. And yet for some reason, despite our own imperfections, we have a tendency to point out those of others. We make judgments concerning their actions or inactions."

"There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: 'Judge not.'"

"My dear sisters, each of you is unique. You are different from each other in many ways. There are those of you who are married. Some of you stay at home with your children, while others of you work outside your homes. Some of you are empty nesters. There are those of you who are married but do not have children. There are those who are divorced, those who are widowed. Many of you are single women. Some of you have college degrees; some of you do not. There are those who can afford the latest fashions and those who are lucky to have one appropriate Sunday outfit. Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences tempt us to judge one another?"

I am not the type of person that would say anything out loud to some one I disapproved of. I would not criticize some one openly to another person. That is really not my nature. On the other hand, I know that I often feel very critical of other people in my heart and in my mind, and that keeps me from having real love toward people and real, true charity.

I got married at 21, got pregnant right away and dropped out of school because I did not want to have any more student loans. My husband and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom to my children, and $20,000 more in loans would not make that possible. I know that these decisions were the right decisions for me and my family. But, I think through all of these 12 and a half years, I have felt superior to other mothers who chose to work. I suppose this has to do with jealous feelings. We have always been on the poor side. When I see these mothers with big careers and big beautiful homes and lots of lessons for their children, I feel a bit of envy, and then in my heart I make a judgment. I decide that I am better, or that my kids are better off than these womens children. My children have to learn to share and to do without things, but they get more of my time. I think that I also make this judgment because women who do well in the work force and who have completed a lot of schooling get a lot more respect than women like me who stay home and who are not educated. I judge these women to make myself feel better about my decisions and my lack of material possessions and prestige. I have always known in my heart that this judgment is unfair and could even be cruel. But, I still find myself dong so to make myself feel better.

I also find myself judging rich people. I think, "how could they spend so much money on such a big home when people down the street are suffering in tiny run down homes." or I think, "the people in Haiti and other parts of the world are suffering so severely. These people should be putting their money to help God's children." Having written this out, because I have never said anything like this not even to my husband, makes me cringe. That could really hurt a lot people. I need to change. I need to stop judging. President Monson said, "There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize." I know this is true, and I need to change my thoughts.

President Monson said near his conclusion:

"I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.

There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere".

I need to have this charity. I know that if I gain the kind of charity that causes one to be "tolerant and lenient toward the actions of others," I won't feel as alienated and alone in my ward and neighborhood. I expect one of the first steps in gaining this is for me to stop envying wealth. Another is to realize that just because the choices I made for my family have been good for my family, does not mean that these same choices would be good for other families. I know that we are all children of God and that He really and truly loves all of us. I love all of my children fairly equally even when I have one kid who is fighting me on every point while another kids is doing everything he or she can do to be good and choose the right. I still love and care deeply for both children. Certainly God feels even more perfectly like that. So, after 12 and a half years, I am going to do whatever I need to rid my heart of these judging feelings. I am sure it would feel a lot nicer to just be true friends with everyone I know.