Amazing Behavior Modication Method By Adam

Adam and Rachel sat coloring together on the floor. Rachel kept asking Adam to draw pictures for her. She does this with any willing victims a lot. You start to draw a picture for Rachel and then she snaps-- she gets all emotional and starts crying and declaring that you have drawn the picture all wrong. There usually isn't a good remedy besides time out for Rachel. (those drawings mean sooooo much to her.)Of course, that is what she was doing with Adam at this moment.

I have seen Adam deal with this in a couple of ways. He often will just start drawing four headed princesses, or snake princesses. This is surprisingly effective because Rachel tends to give up on getting her perfect picture and instead of a complete emotional breakdown, she walks off mad and plays something else. The second happened yesterday and worked incredibly well. We ended with no crying, no time outs-- just a subdued easy going Rachel.

As Adam was drawing the princess the wrong way and Rachel started to cry. Adam sang, "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly too." Adam sang this to Rachel about three times, when Rachel blurted out, "Stop it. I hate that song!"  Then Adam sang, "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly, and like them, and always share everything with ADAM!"

IF, Then

If I leave a list of chores I want done with John (The Father) and go out to run errands, then I will come home and do the chores. If I leave a list of chores I want done with Ruth (The Daughter) and go out to run errands, then I will come home to a nicely cleaned house. But if I leave a list of chores with Ruth and go out to run errands, then John will think I don't trust him enough to take care of the house and children when I am out.

A Valuable Lesson

Yesterday I learned something important that has the potential to help me be a better mother. I realized that when I have good music or general conference playing in our home I don't lose my temper. So I need to keep music like hymns or classical playing or I should be listening to conference while I do chores. I figured this out because yesterday the kids were really hard and I had a lot of chores to get done. I listened to both conference and some hymns preformed by Fiddlesticks. Adam went from breaking something, to hitting someone, to dumping out food etc, and I never even raised my voice at him. Joseph, Rachel, and Anya were taking turns crying this entire time too. The day before I had a really hard time keeping my cool for much smaller things, like when Adam and Rachel took all the labels off the tuna fish. I about blew up. They cleaned, and they went into time out and I made them swear they would never do such a terrible thing again. When Rachel wanted to eat baby food I was pretty mean to her that same day too. So, when I thought, "Hey, why is it so much easier to behave today?" yesterday, I thought back to other times when I listened to conference or hymns and I realized that I have never lost my temper while listening to general conference, and I always feel good when I listen to hymns. I think from this day forward, if I am feeling the slightest bit annoyed, I will put on some good music.

Our Miracle

I have needed to write this blog, but I have been putting it off because I know that it will take a long time to type. I need to write about how miraculous our experience with John getting his new job has been. I have to start back in Wichita about 3 years ago when we were driving home from the OKC Temple. John said, "I don't know why and  it seems crazy, but I feel very strongly that I am not going to get tenure." I replied, "That is stupid. Get tenure. You are capable." He said that he was not going to give up and that he would keep working and trying to publish and to do what he needed. But that he felt like he needed to start programming and moving his research toward machine learning. So that is what John did, and he starting putting in almost 80 hours a week. I was not happy, but I knew that I needed to trust him. Our parents were not happy too. We had a good house, a good school we should not ask for more. But John persisted.

John started working on the Netflix problem in the  Summer of 2008. This problem had a lot of machine learning. He thought he was capable of getting the prize and was very depressed when he did not. John said that he felt like the Holy Ghost was whispering for him to work on this problem.  So again, I just trusted John.

In January of 2009 we felt like it was time to prepare to move so we started fixing up our house a bunch and getting it ready to sell. Again, our parents warned us that we were doing something stupid. We stuck to it, as hard as it was and got our house on the market. In March 2009, John was notified that his contract at WSU would not be renewed. We could stay one more year, but a lot of people in Wichita were being laid off and the housing market was being flooded. We took the leap, sold the house for a $15,000 loss, and moved to Utah.We decided years earlier that if we were going to move again it would be near family.

John got a job at his dad's company. We were a little disappointed because the work had nothing to do with what John had been preparing for, but it was a job and we could buy another house. I looked around  A LOT for a home we could afford. The search was hard and depressing. When I found the Davencourt Townhouse that we are now living in I had very strong impressions that this was where we were to be. But the bank was taking a LONG time accepting the offer. Joseph was born , school would be starting and we still needed a place. I looked around at a lot more places. Still I felt like we the Davencourt townhouse was the right place for our family. My realtor, noticing our frustration got us in touch with a realtor who sets up empty short sale homes as rentals. Even that was tough and took about 2 weeks longer than we thought it should. So we moved in intending to buy  the place when the bank finally accepted our offer.

We were not in our house for an entire week when we got water in the basement. I asked the neighbor in the connecting unit if she was getting water in her basement too. She was shocked to find that we didn't know there are three cracks in the foundation. Short Sales do not have to advertise such things. So John and I started to look for another home to buy. But after a lot of prayer we still felt like we needed to stay here. We did not know why, and we really questioned our own ability to receive revelation. So did everyone else that knew any of the facts about our situation. But we decided to keep praying about it. In the October general conference Elder Richard G. Scott said:

I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.

I decided to trust the impressions and instructions that John and I had received from the Holy Ghost over the past few months-- even though my eyes and ears had been telling me differently.

A few days later John's work quit paying.  A month and a half after that the company basically folded. John, his Dad, and brother were all unemployed. After two full months of no pay we got food stamps and unemployment. We no longer knew why we needed to stay where we were-- that was obvious. We just prayed that the bank would continue to take a long time on accepting our offer. We had enough money from unemployment to meet our bills and we received more than twice as much money for food from the government than we ever had when John worked. Things were scary, but our needs were completely met-- including maintaining our good credit. Then early this month we got the notice that the house would be sold at auction. We new that we could be homeless in less than a month. We started looking around and praying very hard. Again we felt like we needed to wait and do nothing. Crazy!!!! We did gather a lot of information and formulate good plans. Then after 8 nerve racking days John got a job-- a really good job.

 The job is in Machine Learning. John was hired because of his math PhD and his work specifically on the netflix problem. If we lived further from the job site, John probably would not have gotten the interview in the first place. Because the commute is 35 to 45 minutes away we want to move closer. If we had bought this house or any other that we looked at we would not be able to move without further financial loss. If we would have tried to rent a place to begin with our rent would have been at least $200 more a month while we were unemployed. We got an incredible deal on rent because of the risk of the home being sold to some one else.

Another thing is John will be making $1,000 more a month this year than he did last year before we left Wichita.

The whole time we were going through these trials we knew that The Lord was at the Helm and guiding our family through inspiration to John and I through the Gift of the Holy Ghost. There were times when we had to fight off doubts, complaining feelings, sorrow, and criticism. There were times when I wanted to criticize John for not caring for us better (glad I didn't.) But still we knew in our hearts that God was there watching over us and that we would be fine and even better off than we were before. We now know that all of the revelation concerning the jobs, the moves, the houses and all was so that Heavenly Father could bless John to better support and care for his family. We had to go on the faith we had from listening earlier in our lives and we had to exercise greater faith that we did not have.

This is our miracle and we are so thankful to a loving Heavenly Father who sees fit to guide the very details of our lives. The Lord is at the Helm. He loves us, inspires us, and directs us even when our eyes and our ears are telling us the opposite should be true.

Adam likes to be Babysat

Most mornings Adam quizzes me about when he can watch a movie. Most days the answer is not today we are too busy. Yesterday, he was asking about what we were going to be doing to see if he would get any TV-time in. Near the end of the days schedule I said that mom and Dad were going to the temple so Ruth would babysit and put him to bed. I thought he would be unhappy about that, but instead he jumped up, clapped his hands and declared, "I love it when Ruth babysits. Do you know why Mom?"  I guessed, "Because you get to watch TV." Then Adam said, "and I love, love. love watching TV."

A Robertson Family Dinner

We had almost the entire Utah Robertson Clan over for dinner on Thursday. We had 2 lamb roasts, red potatoes, rolls, a big green salad, chocolate cake and some cookies. It actually was a lot of fun to have everyone here and on a school night too. We loved it. But, I am actually writing this post because after dinner when we were cleaning up John brought me the bowl of salad which was still nearly full. See, I like like fresh vegetables, in fact, I really and truly love and even sometimes crave a good green salad. I love the spring lettuce mixes you can get now days. I really like lettuce that has a good flavor. John hates fresh vegetables. He gets grumpy when we have a salad more than twice a week. So John was very pleased that his family supported him in his anti-green salad crusade by eating up most of the 2 lamb roasts, all of the potatoes and rolls, and most of the 7 pound chocolate but hardly any of the salad. But, I have not been dissuaded. I still love salad and I will still make salad. I have to say for the sake of John's sisters, though, that John's sisters are in really good shape and take really good care of their bodies. They are WAY better than I am at regular exercise.

Here are the leftovers

Salad Still Brimming over the top of the bowl.

 

What is left of 2 lamb roasts (It was really good too.)

What is left of the yummy Costco chocolate cake

Answered Prayers

I feel so Grateful right now. I know that we have had people all over the nation praying for us. And I am sure that it is because of the prayers and the faith of so many good people that I can happily announce that John got a job today. It is a good job with a good salary. It is also exactly what John wants to be doing and is good at. We will have to leave Lehi, Ut and move some where in Salt Lake. But that is obviously not a problem. Thank you to everyone for all of your prayers, and thank you Heavenly Father for blessing us so thoroughly.

Interesting Calculation

Last night during Family Home Evening while Ruth was wrestling and being obnoxious, we made a quick calculation. Unless she had a severe stomach flu Ruth has wrestled and jumped and played every family home evening since she was around 11 months. We believe we have had to tell her to settle down, pay attention, listen, be reverent... during family home evening about 6,000 times.

Anya Turns 2

Anya had her birthday yesterday. She is now a terrible two, although she is not quite terrible yet. She did, however, remove all of the batteries from the battery recharger so we do not have pictures of her birthday. But Anya was absolutely adorable during her birthday. We took her to Target to get a feel for what she liked (besides more babies). Anya liked every thing. Kate got her a balloon, a stuffed monkey, and some little dogs. Ruth got her a Jumbo push pop, and the rest of us got her this electronic duck and some more pacifiers. (Yes, I know she is getting too old for pacifiers, but with our life how it is now, it seems like a bad idea to take it away now, and we took Adam's away at this age and he started sucking his finger two weeks later which he still does. So we gave her something she loves, but is too old for.)
 As Anya opened each present she gave half of everything to Rachel. I didn't know a two year old could share so sweetly on their birthday. When we sang happy birthday to her, she got down and danced around the room. Again, HOW CUTE!! Then when it was time to blow out her candles, she picked one candle up-- flame and all. Fortunately, a quick thinking Ruth blew out her candles really fast.

We are definitely blessed with some, cute, good, and happy kids. Happy Birthday Little Anya. We look forward to another year with you little baby, and hopefully not so terrible. But everyone has to be 2.

Updates and Options

To try and keep us from becoming homeless in the next few weeks here are our two plans.

First, we found out what we could from the bank about the Sheriff's auction, and we also found out what we could through a realtor. The bank wants to start the bid between $140,000 and $160,000. You cannot know what the starting bid will be before attending the auction. But what basically happens is the the Sheriff starts the bid at what the owners owe the bank plus $1.00. We are living in a ranch style townhome. These townhomes have two types the ordinary tall thin ones which are going for $165,000 and the ranch style which typically sell for $139,000. (We thought this was nice, because the ranch style are more spacious. But people in Utah must like the tall thin ones better.) Anyway, what this means is anyone who understands the market and pricing right now will not start a bid on this townhouse above $140,000. So if the home is not sold at the auction it will go back to the bank for further deliberation.

These are our two plans and we have not yet made a decision:

1. We just stay put, pay our February rent and hope that the house does not sell.
2. We get our tax return right away, find some one who will rent a home with a 6 month lease with 3 to 6 months rent paid up front, along with the cleaning deposit.

This is what we are doing:

1. We are gathering all of our documents up from the two jobs, three wards, and two states so we can start our taxes.
2. We are keeping a close eye out on what is available for rent, contacting people who are renting their home not through a rental company, and viewing a few places to get a feel for what is out there and how much money we will need to carry off plan #2. We also have a few people who are asking around for rentals from people they know for us.
   
3. We are contacting the owner to stall the sale (He didn't even know that it was going to be auctioned off.), and the company that we send the rent too to see what we are required to do, and to find out our legal status in the matter.
4. We are praying really hard for John to get a job ASAP.

Nonetheless, these are really nerve racking times and we are just trying to keep things as peaceful and as normal as we can for our children.

Scary Notice

When we got home from grocery shopping yesterday we found this notice taped to our door. I will have to give a short history to explain this. When we were looking to buy a house, most houses in our price range were short sales, in which one has to get the offer approved from the bank before one's offer would be accepted. The banks sometimes take a very long time on this. When the bank hadn't done anything about our offer on this place, and when we couldn't find anything that we thought would suit us better for around the same price we got in touch with a man that sets short sales up as rentals. We started renting this place planning to buy it. In November when John had to ask to be laid off because his company was not making payroll, we just hoped that the bank would still be slow to accept our offer. But we had a "safe-lease" in that if the bank took another offer we had 60 days to move out. Well, apparently the owners of this place are in serious financial trouble and have filed for bankruptcy. This house is now being sold at auction on Feb 2nd to pay  for the owners debts. So our lease is actually void. Even if John had a job, we could not bid on the house, because you have to have the full amount of money within three days after the auction. Obviously with an FHA loan that we would need, we would not even qualify to bid. So now, we have approximately 28 days to pack up, find a new place, and move . John still does not have a job. We haven't defaulted on rent or any other bills, but I am not sure that will matter as we look for another place to rent. If john gets a job in the next two weeks, I think we will be fine. There are plenty of houses for rent around $1,200 a month that we could fit into and qualify family size wise to rent. That is about $200 more than what we are now paying and what we ever hoped to have to pay. But I think that does not matter now. We need a home for our children.

Two Conversations

John: Adam tell mom what you saw boy eat.
Adam: Oh, it was a snake.
Mom: A snake?
Adam: yes boy caught it. It was a king cobra.
Mom: A king Cobra?
Adam: Yeah but it is okay because boy ate it.




Rachel: Mom, I hvae two grandmas. My Grandma with the black hair gave me this dress. I have two grandpas too.
Me (to Johnny): Johnny show Adam how to do that part of his game.
Johnny: Okay, Adam...
Rachel: And my two Grandmas have houses. One house is here and one house is far away...
Me: Johnny Adam needs you to show him how to plant the mushrooms.
Rachel: mom, mom, mom, mom, mom
Me: Adam you have to click on your little suns.
Rachel: MOM YOU ARE IGNORING ME!!
Me: Did you say that I was ignoring you?
Rachel: Yes. You have to listen to me.
Me: So Rachel, you have 2 Grandmas right.
Rachel: Yes I do. And one lives far away and gave me this dress...