Motherhood

Twelve and almost a half years ago when, the doctors handed me baby Ruth, I looked at her and was suddenly terrified. "What have I gotten myself into?" I thought. My mother in law stood over me and said, "Isn't it amazing how you just love them automatically?" I didn't feel that way at all! But I meekly whispered a yes wondering why I was scared and not filled with joy. I suddenly knew all to well that I had gotten myself into a very long term commitment. I was overwhelmed with the responsibility that this little baby presented.

After taking Ruth home and dressing her, and bathing her and playing with her, I did fall in love and find that joy. Suddenly, I knew I was actually doing and being a part of something greater than myself. Those days of taking care of my baby-- walking her in the warm spring sunshine, rocking her to sleep, feeding her, bathing her, dressing her, talking to her and trying to get her to smile were marvelous happy days.

My life is very different now than it was when I had  my one little baby. Now, I have piles and piles of laundry. I have to pick up and vacuum and clean things several times a day. Cooking and cleaning up after meals is very time consuming. I am still changing diapers, bathing, and wiping away the little tears, but along with that I am reading lots and lots of books, and helping with homework. I am teaching things like cooking and cleaning bathrooms. I soothe the tears from the disappointing grade or from the mean friend. I am talking about the Savior and the commandments in so many ways and with so many situations. I referee disagreements in and out of the home. But from it all, I am growing and improving as well as helping the precious souls of my children grow and improve.

At this point in time, my purpose is to nurture and care for 8 other people. Because, I care so deeply who they will become, I school myself and my feelings more carefully then I ever did before. I care and try to refrain from angry outburst and from shouting. I read my scriptures and say my prayers not only because I know that it helps me to be a better person, but because and really more importantly to me, I want my children to do the same. I try to refrain from any negative thoughts and speeches, because I know that will help my children to be positive and happy. In essence, I am becoming who I want my children to become.

Certainly, it is hard and a lot of work and conscious effort. But I really have to say that motherhood is glorious work. I would not be who I am with out my children helping me to school myself. I have read and listened to mothers who have finished raising their children and they all say: Enjoy your children. Be patient with your children. You will miss the messes. You are doing something great even if you can't see that now. Even now when I still have a lot of very small children, I am beginning to see that motherhood is indeed divine.