More on Motherhood

Not too long after writing my post on Motherhood, I ran into this article. It basically states that after several studies of happiness in parenting, it can be easily concluded that parenting makes people unhappy, it ruins relationships, and that working at a job is reportedly more pleasurable. Near the opening of the article it states, "As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns. But some of the studies are grimmer than others. Robin Simon, a sociologist at Wake Forest University, says parents are more depressed than nonparents no matter what their circumstances—whether they’re single or married, whether they have one child or four."

I do not know a single parent that would say, "Why did I have little Lucy, she has made me so unhappy?"or that after having another child when they thought they were done, would say, "I did not want this child. He is such a bother. Our family would be so much better off without him." In fact, I find that quite the contrary is true. When a family is blessed with any child, whether it is the first or the 5th, whether they planned for the baby or not, they often say things like, "I can't imagine life without this child."   Sure everyone with children recognizes that children are always a lot of work and sometimes very stressful. But, the people that I know that are the most unhappy are not the married people with children.

The problem that I see is that it is popular and often humorous to complain about the work, and the messes of child rearing. You often hear how hard being a parent is. How being a parent keeps you from doing more pleasurable things. Such pleasurable things sited were days at work in an office, watching TV, and eating. (Personally, I get more pleasure reading or talking to my children than I do from watching a movie.) I think that as a society we have been trained to focus on the negative aspects of rearing children. So when asked, we tend to think of and report the negative aspects.

If something is hard does that mean it is not worthwhile and does not promote general happiness and well-being? Getting a college degree is hard, but I think it definitely promotes well-being and happiness. Owning a home is hard, but it is pleasurable to work hard and take care of a home and see the fruits of those efforts in the nice place one lives in.  I now will say that the same is true of being a mother and a father. It is hard work, but the fruits of those labors bring about a lot of happiness.

I find that the people who are constantly seeking for personal pleasure and for things to make them happy are never happy. That is because there is no true happiness in serving yourself. True happiness comes from serving other people and working hard to do so. I think as a parent it is VERY important to look for what is positive in the daily tasks of raising children. The fruits of our efforts are there, but we are trained only to see what is difficult. In a world that is telling us that parenthood is too hard and that true pleasure lies in going to work, watching TV, and eating out with other adults, we need to be careful. It is seductive to think, "my life would be better if I could spend more time just for me, and that my children are the reason I cannot." I love the counsel of a wise prophet of god who when speaking to mothers said, "Find joy in the journey now!" (Thomas S. Monson) Let us follow that counsel and find what true happiness is!