Saving Our Boys

Since, I have 4 of them, I think about boys a lot. The world has turned. It used to be difficult for girls. Today, girls are more successful than ever. But as things have become easier for girls to become educated and  have successful careers, things have become more difficult for the boys.

Today you hear statistics about how 60% of women are college educated while only 40% of men are. How boys are failing in school; how teachers teach toward girls, and boys are just left behind. Then there is the problem of video games, and pornography available everywhere.

I meet a lot of amazing women who are beautiful, intelligent, and successful. Yet, they are not married, even though they would choose to be so. Where are the men? Birthrates are still around 50/50 in the United States. Many of them are on the computer, addicted to video games and pornography. They are stuck, and they do not know how to escape.

Today's surveys have found that even among Christian men, pornography addiction is about 50%.

Neuroscientist and researcher Dr. William M. Struthers researched why, and wrote a book called, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain.  

 Struthers writes, "The simplest explanation for why men view pornography ... is they are driven to seek out sexual intimacy... Satisfying this drive is pleasurable. Sexual intercourse and the naked form of women are enjoyable, as designed by God to be." He continues, "The male brain is built like an ideal pornography receiver, wired to be on the alert for these images of nakedness... the images of sexuality grab our attention, jumping out and hypnotizing a man like an HD television among a sea of standard televisions."

All types of media, know this to be true. We cannot drive down the highway in our city with out being faced with billboard sized women in bikinis. We cannot go to a grocery or department store with out seeing magazines full of nearly naked, and sexually poised women. The internet is very dangerous. Adds with women practically naked or top naked pop up unless there is a good way to block it. Even then, pornographic images get through. The pornography industries is a billion dollar industry. And it is killing our boys.

Through his neurological research, Struthers has found, "As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on these images, the exposure to them creates neural pathways. These Neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. ...They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed. Every woman they come into contact with is objectified, undressed and evaluated as a willing (or unwilling) mental sexual partner."

What this means is that the more pornography a boy or a man views, the more his brain changes and the more addicted and the more trapped he becomes by his own brain.

Struthers said that saying "my brain made me do it" is not an excuse for sin.

He continues, "A man with a properly oriented conscience and filled with the Spirit values the image of God in women and has trained his mind to take sexual thoughts captive."

So what is to be done? I do not have a good answer. In our home, we monitor the internet, and use child protection software. We read our children's books or at least look through them before handing them over. We do not allow barbies or any other immodest girl toy into the house. We use a Clear Play DVD player and even then we are very careful about what movies we watch. We talk about pornography. We talk about what to do if something pops up on the computer. We talk about what to do if a friend shares pornography. Our daughters warn the boys to look away if there is an immodest image while we are out. We teach about the atonement.

Still, I know that my boys and my husband cannot completely avoid pornography.  They need to know what the are up against. Yesterday's world was a tough place for girls. Today's world is a very dangerous place for boys.