A Decision

I have had friends and acquaintances and family members that have taken a year to potty train their child. I have often wondered, "What are they doing wrong?" and "Why is this kid not getting this? The poor mom." You see, Ruth was potty trained at 23 months after one month of training. Kate was potty trained at 24 months after 4 months of potty training, where she really only had trouble with pee. Johnny was potty trained at 28 months after four months of potty training with results just like Kate. Adam was potty trained at 30 months after one month of potty training. Rachel was potty trained at 23 months after one month of potty training. She later peed her pants again for a month, but she never pooped her pants. I thought potty training was hard, but not impossible. I did not understand how a kid could be so resistant.

Now, Anya is almost 33 months and has absolutely refused to potty train. She will poop her pants, poop the floor, put on a diaper to poop, but she absolutely will not poop in the toilet. She will only pee int he toilet if I take her or tell her to go. She will not do this herself, and she is a lot older than all of her siblings were. I have realized that Anya is a "take a year to potty train child". I did not know that I had it so easy with my other 5 kids. (It is funny how when you make a judgement about some one else's parenting it comes back to you at some point. I have to stop doing that! or stop having more kids to find out!)

Given my difficult Anya, I have made a decision. I do not want to fight with her for a year about going to the bathroom. I do not want to clean up poop messes for a year. (I have a really hard time not yelling when I am cleaning up poop that has been smeared into the carpet.) So, I am quitting for a year. Next July, I will potty train both Anya and Joseph at the same time. (I really have no reason to believe that Joseph will not be more like his other 5 siblings.) That means I will have 3 kids in diapers. I have never had that before! But I have never had a "take a year to potty train child".

Johnny's Birthday

Our camera refused to turn on at all, so no 9 year old birthday pictures of our little Johnny. Johnny turned 9 yesterday!!! He is and has always been such a good boy. He is a lot like his Dad in many ways. They love a lot of the same things: math, computer games, classical music and soccer.I am glad to have a boy that gets along so perfectly with his Father.

We had a nice little family party for Johnny. John did a good job of picking out a variety of not just computer game presents (he got one). Johnny asked for his usual Cream of Broccoli soup in a bread bowl. He also went against Robertson family tradition and asked for a vanilla cake. (He doesn't like chocolate the way the rest of us do.) After putting all of the little kids and a very sick Ruth to bed, John, Johnny, Kate and I enjoyed playing Johnny's new board game "Run for you life, candy man". It was a lot of fun.

Johnny is a great kid. He has always been so easy going and fun to teach. He just loves to learn new things so much, it is just fun to teach him. I look forward to another year of fun learning time with my good little Johnny.

Kittens and Kitten Troubles

In June, we got a little white calico kitten and named her Winter. We returned her after two days because she wasn't eating or drinking, or using the litter box. In July, we got a black calico fluffy kitten and named her Calli. She was a pretty decent little cat, even though she scratched the kids a bit too much. But, the beginning of this month, she went outside and never came back. So then we decided we better get 2 girl kittens (We want a girl cat to have babies.) We found two in one litter and picked them up about a week and a half ago. The grey one is Twix and the black was Velvet, until Sunday when we realized that the black one is definitely not a girl. He is now Shadow. We didn't want another boy cat, but we are attached. Shadow will stay and not have babies. Twix and Shadow actually have been the best kittens yet. Twix doesn't use her claws on the kids at all. They both prefer to be inside around the kids as opposed to in the garage alone. They are playful and cuddly and the kids of course adore them. We won't let them out alone until they have collars and hopefully they will both stay with us. But now, we have a bigger vet expense as we will want shadow spayed young so he does not become the father of Twix's kittens. Boy is getting used to having other cats around. He seems to tolerate these two fairly well, which is good because we still love Boy. We just wanted to have kittens born around the kids again.

More on Motherhood

Not too long after writing my post on Motherhood, I ran into this article. It basically states that after several studies of happiness in parenting, it can be easily concluded that parenting makes people unhappy, it ruins relationships, and that working at a job is reportedly more pleasurable. Near the opening of the article it states, "As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns. But some of the studies are grimmer than others. Robin Simon, a sociologist at Wake Forest University, says parents are more depressed than nonparents no matter what their circumstances—whether they’re single or married, whether they have one child or four."

I do not know a single parent that would say, "Why did I have little Lucy, she has made me so unhappy?"or that after having another child when they thought they were done, would say, "I did not want this child. He is such a bother. Our family would be so much better off without him." In fact, I find that quite the contrary is true. When a family is blessed with any child, whether it is the first or the 5th, whether they planned for the baby or not, they often say things like, "I can't imagine life without this child."   Sure everyone with children recognizes that children are always a lot of work and sometimes very stressful. But, the people that I know that are the most unhappy are not the married people with children.

The problem that I see is that it is popular and often humorous to complain about the work, and the messes of child rearing. You often hear how hard being a parent is. How being a parent keeps you from doing more pleasurable things. Such pleasurable things sited were days at work in an office, watching TV, and eating. (Personally, I get more pleasure reading or talking to my children than I do from watching a movie.) I think that as a society we have been trained to focus on the negative aspects of rearing children. So when asked, we tend to think of and report the negative aspects.

If something is hard does that mean it is not worthwhile and does not promote general happiness and well-being? Getting a college degree is hard, but I think it definitely promotes well-being and happiness. Owning a home is hard, but it is pleasurable to work hard and take care of a home and see the fruits of those efforts in the nice place one lives in.  I now will say that the same is true of being a mother and a father. It is hard work, but the fruits of those labors bring about a lot of happiness.

I find that the people who are constantly seeking for personal pleasure and for things to make them happy are never happy. That is because there is no true happiness in serving yourself. True happiness comes from serving other people and working hard to do so. I think as a parent it is VERY important to look for what is positive in the daily tasks of raising children. The fruits of our efforts are there, but we are trained only to see what is difficult. In a world that is telling us that parenthood is too hard and that true pleasure lies in going to work, watching TV, and eating out with other adults, we need to be careful. It is seductive to think, "my life would be better if I could spend more time just for me, and that my children are the reason I cannot." I love the counsel of a wise prophet of god who when speaking to mothers said, "Find joy in the journey now!" (Thomas S. Monson) Let us follow that counsel and find what true happiness is!

Joseph in the Dentist Office

I had 3 kids with dentist appointments yesterday morning, so I had to bring my 2 youngest along. Anya was pretty good waiting for all three kids to get cavities filled, but Joseph, well...I will never take him again!

First, the receptionist gave us some crayons and coloring pages. Anya and Rachel sat down to color. Joseph, first tried to take the paper Rachel was coloring, even though he had his own paper to color on. When that failed, Joseph decided to color on Anya's paper. Anya of course did not like this. Eventually, I persuaded Joseph to color on his own piece of paper. That lasted about 5 seconds. Joseph didn't care to color on his paper, instead he went and tried to color on the window. He got a few marks which I was able to scrape off with my fingernail, before I grabbed him up. I held him and he fussed until I let him down. Then he went back to the window with a crayon. This happened about 3 times before I gathered up all of the crayons and gave them back to the receptionist.

Next, Joseph decided that the metal horizontal blinds were a good toy. He didn't just touch them. He grabbed them up and started pulling them out. Again, I picked him up, he fussed on me, got down, and went back to the naughty task at hand. About the fifth time, the receptionist pulled the blinds all the way up.

Third, Joseph seemed to be settling down some. He sat down and began looking at a magazine. This peace did not last long before I heard a rip. He ripped the front and back cover off before I could rescue the magazine. UGGHHH!!! He then kept trying to get more magazines to rip! Until Johnny's turn was over and I went in with Joseph in one arm to help Adam through his filling.

Fourth, Joseph was interested in what the dentist was doing to Adam and watched very closely. Then it was Rachel's turn. Rachel needed help keeping her legs still and her hands away from her face. Joseph had seen this already and was no longer interested. So I held Joseph under one arm while he squirmed and fussed, and then I held one of Rachel's hands while my arm stretched across her legs. Adam held Rachel's other hand. I think this took about a half an hour. I was so glad when it was all over!

Joseph will NOT come with me to the dentist or other long waiting places again!!! There are other ways, and in his case, I think finding a babysitter and having to sit other kids in turn will be easier.

Motherhood

Twelve and almost a half years ago when, the doctors handed me baby Ruth, I looked at her and was suddenly terrified. "What have I gotten myself into?" I thought. My mother in law stood over me and said, "Isn't it amazing how you just love them automatically?" I didn't feel that way at all! But I meekly whispered a yes wondering why I was scared and not filled with joy. I suddenly knew all to well that I had gotten myself into a very long term commitment. I was overwhelmed with the responsibility that this little baby presented.

After taking Ruth home and dressing her, and bathing her and playing with her, I did fall in love and find that joy. Suddenly, I knew I was actually doing and being a part of something greater than myself. Those days of taking care of my baby-- walking her in the warm spring sunshine, rocking her to sleep, feeding her, bathing her, dressing her, talking to her and trying to get her to smile were marvelous happy days.

My life is very different now than it was when I had  my one little baby. Now, I have piles and piles of laundry. I have to pick up and vacuum and clean things several times a day. Cooking and cleaning up after meals is very time consuming. I am still changing diapers, bathing, and wiping away the little tears, but along with that I am reading lots and lots of books, and helping with homework. I am teaching things like cooking and cleaning bathrooms. I soothe the tears from the disappointing grade or from the mean friend. I am talking about the Savior and the commandments in so many ways and with so many situations. I referee disagreements in and out of the home. But from it all, I am growing and improving as well as helping the precious souls of my children grow and improve.

At this point in time, my purpose is to nurture and care for 8 other people. Because, I care so deeply who they will become, I school myself and my feelings more carefully then I ever did before. I care and try to refrain from angry outburst and from shouting. I read my scriptures and say my prayers not only because I know that it helps me to be a better person, but because and really more importantly to me, I want my children to do the same. I try to refrain from any negative thoughts and speeches, because I know that will help my children to be positive and happy. In essence, I am becoming who I want my children to become.

Certainly, it is hard and a lot of work and conscious effort. But I really have to say that motherhood is glorious work. I would not be who I am with out my children helping me to school myself. I have read and listened to mothers who have finished raising their children and they all say: Enjoy your children. Be patient with your children. You will miss the messes. You are doing something great even if you can't see that now. Even now when I still have a lot of very small children, I am beginning to see that motherhood is indeed divine.

Spontaneous Family Pictures

We spent labor day at Jer and Rosanne's house. Rosanne, does some photography, so I thought, we have been trying for months to get a family picture, so why don't we just do so now in whatever we are wearing and however are hair and make up is already. They aren't too bad. So we can actually title this: How we really are. I have edited some of these, but not all. Rosanne has edited some and they are on her blog here.