I heard Rachel crying from the upstairs. She was obviously upset. I asked her to come to me. I wanted to help her. I heard Rachel saying something through her tears, but I couldn't quite make it out-- maybe something about her hair. I knew that she had been looking around for our box of hair supplies. Rachel finally came to me absolutely balling and very, very sad. I asked her what was wrong-- she fell down, her stomach hurt, someone said a mean word--- the usual. Nothing could have prepared me for her answer. Rachel said, "When I look in the mirror, I notice that my face and my hair look ugly when I smile." She burst into more violent tears. I rubbed her back and stumbled out a, "you're pretty." But, well, um, I decided the same thing when I was young and Rachel looks JUST LIKE ME! Honestly, though, how do you help this girl problem?
10 comments:
Not that I have any experience with this yet, but from my own perspective as a girl...We look in the mirror and see what we don't like, it's a girl thing. I try to find things I do like. Show her in a mirror how her eyes sparkle when she smiles. Everyone's eyes sparkle when they really smile. :)
Oh my goodness, she is quite possibly one of the cutest most beautiful little girls I have ever seen! How could she possibly not see that she looks like a gorgeous pixie fairy.
My girls have not said this yet, but I bet it is coming. I believe we are, just as all babies are, born sweet and cute, but it is through time as we etch who we are inside on our face that beauty really takes shape. The most beautiful people I have ever met were the kindest. I hope you can help her through her worries, such big worries for such a small person.
I'm not sure how to help. My daughters have never said this out loud, and I know for a face my youngest daughter likes to look at herself in the mirror all the time.
Go with your gut, but make sure she knows that she is absolutely beautiful. I can tell from her photo!
And ditto to the above comments. Smiling and kindness --that's real beauty, for sure.
Blerg --I know for a FACT (not face!)
Well, I for one think she's pretty! She may be just comparing what she looks like to what her teenage sisters look like and think that she's not up to snuff...
Oh, that is so sad. I totally get it... it took me years to overcome those feelings. I think giving specific compliments about her looks, "your hair looks nice when it is curled under", "your eyes are pretty." I know for me it was hard when my mom would verbally tell my sister how pretty she was and say nothing to me. So try to keep the comments even across all the girls and point out how nice the differences are :) hugs
let her know how cute, lovely, adorable and pretty everyone who sees her picture on your blog thinks she is. She is really pretty and I think you are too. I never had issues with this I think because I grew up in Mexico and everyone loved Americans there and I was told how pretty I was all the time. Maybe kids at school and church are placing too much emphasis on looks and she's just not getting the outer validation she needs. I think she is beautiful-- especially when she smiles. All little girls need to feel pretty and loved. Make sure you give her compliments when she's not expecting it. I think compliments from a dad are especially helpful. I remember after a primary program my dad telling my mom how I was the prettiest one on the stand-- I'm sure that did wonders for my self esteem.
how sad that she is saying that! I don't remember having worries like that until 7th grade! Grace just talks about how cute she is so I guess I don't have any experience. I love what Julie said - that is great advice! Here is what I can say, take it or leave it:
tell her she is the most beautiful thing in the world! who cares if you think she looks just like you and you felt the same way - it's your voice she is going to hear inside her head when she looks in the mirror when she's older. Let her hear you say how gorgeous she is and how you don't know how you got such a pretty little girl. believe me...she'll get enough of the negative comments from the world to tear down her self esteem plenty. I think all girls of all ages need to feel beautiful in their own skin. We are all different, but truly, we are ALL beautiful. All of your girls truly are very pretty.
Tell her that I think she is so beautiful. What a sweet little one. You wonder how they come up with these thoughts at such a young age. I try really hard to always find some genuine comment to make to my grandchildren. We all want our children to grow up with good self esteem. In this world it is hard.
Blessings and hugs to you both!
You should let her go with you to the bathroom and both put on make-up together and you tell her how nice YOU look...she could be saying this because she has heard you say you don't think you are very nice looking, which is not so, I know because I look at you and see an attractive young woman and always have. She thinks she looks just like you and might have put 2 and 2 together and came up with, "if mom is not pretty and I look just like her, than neither am I." Rachel is a very smart kid and is very body conscious, worrying about body fat etc. I agree with the statements of telling her how pretty this feature is or how nice she looks with her hair a certain way. Also all the beautiful women in my family were blonds, (well on the Harrison side, didn't believe that one either, but let her know she comes from a long line of beautiful blue eyed blond haired beauties)! I was so happy to have you keep your blond hair and now so is Rachel. Let her know that being a blond is special! Ask Ruth and Kate to put makeup on Rae and show her how than they can be giggly sisters together even with the age difference. You really want to nip this one in the bud...the world is cruel she needs to feel good about herself even now so later down the road it won't be so tough.
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