Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Rachel: 4 Going on 13
Rachel has always been a little more emotional and a lot more like a teenager than any of my other girls. Rachel tears up a lot easier, but most of all she is concerned about things that most girls don't even think about until they are at least 13. Rachel cares a lot about clothes. As soon as she could walk, Rachel LOVED picking out her own clothes in the store and trying them on. Rachel was a happier more relaxed baby in a clothing store. At 15 months, Rachel would throw a temper tantrum if I put the "wrong" outfit on her. (At first that was really cute. But by the third time it got her stuck in time out with what ever outfit I had picked out for her on.) As her hair grew in, Rachel became concerned about her hair. If I did her hair in a way that she did not like, Rachel would scream until she was either put in time out, or I changed it. Now, that Rachel is 4, she has been verbalizing some of these feelings rather than just screaming. I have been rather surprised at some of the things my little 4 year old thinks.. About a dress that Rachel likes to wear she said, "I look awesome in this dress. That is why it is a good dress." When I told her that she had pretty eyes, Rachel looked at herself in the mirror and said, "No. I think I have ugly eyes. I do not like the color." Rachel likes her hair best in two pony tails. When I asked her if I could put two cute braids in her hair, Rachel thoughtfully replied, "No, I hate braids, because they make me look ugly." I do not think Ruth or Kate ever thought the word ugly when they were this young, especially in reference to themselves. At 4, Ruth and Kate were the most beautiful princesses in the world. As is the case now, Ruth dressed for comfort (or not at all. Okay, so she does stay dressed now.), and Kate was very particular about her clothes and how they fit, and the color, and how it matched etc, as she still is. But if Kate did not like an outfit or a hairdo the fault was with the style or color, not with how she looked. Ruth and Kate both thought they were absolutely gorgeous. I would have to confess that I worry about Rachel's negative emphasis on her looks at such a young age. I expect this from girls older than 10. I wonder what this will translate into as Rachel gets older?
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4 comments:
Diane. One thing to help Rachel is to stop picking on yourself. I'm guilty too. I always put myself down about my freckles and you always put down your nose or bum (as I remember it). Maybe we all could start with pointing out the cute things about ourselves, and start blaming the ugliness on the style or color of the clothing instead of ourselves. I think that might help Rachel. Also, I would be very careful as she gets older about eating disorders, because simply this is how it starts. By they way, this is from my experience.
Well I still think I'm a gorgeous princess so I guess I'm stuck in the 4yr old phase. haha.
No I'm just kidding. That's funny, and sad. I wonder where she gets that?!!? its crazy. I think Monika has some good ideas, but also, I'm sure you already do this, cuz you said you do in your post, but continue to tell her how pretty she is. Because she is beautiful. and yes she looks like you Diane. that's not a bad thing. :o)
I had always (naturally) envisioned that my daughter would have the highest of self-esteem and no issues with confidence, etc. - the way you describe your two older daughters to behave. But I now find myself also dealing with some of these same things with my 7 year old. She calls herself fat sometimes and complains a lot about having brown hair, she says it's "ugly". I always respond by telling her that she's beautiful and just the way Heavenly Father made her, and she usually lets it go at that, but I worry about it getting worse as she gets older. Sounds like you're doing the right things. Every child is so different.
I think you're doing great with her. My mom always told me how beautiful I was even though I didn't believe it. Those compliments were what I clung to until I learned to find value in my physical appearance!
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