Saving Our Boys

Since, I have 4 of them, I think about boys a lot. The world has turned. It used to be difficult for girls. Today, girls are more successful than ever. But as things have become easier for girls to become educated and  have successful careers, things have become more difficult for the boys.

Today you hear statistics about how 60% of women are college educated while only 40% of men are. How boys are failing in school; how teachers teach toward girls, and boys are just left behind. Then there is the problem of video games, and pornography available everywhere.

I meet a lot of amazing women who are beautiful, intelligent, and successful. Yet, they are not married, even though they would choose to be so. Where are the men? Birthrates are still around 50/50 in the United States. Many of them are on the computer, addicted to video games and pornography. They are stuck, and they do not know how to escape.

Today's surveys have found that even among Christian men, pornography addiction is about 50%.

Neuroscientist and researcher Dr. William M. Struthers researched why, and wrote a book called, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain.  

 Struthers writes, "The simplest explanation for why men view pornography ... is they are driven to seek out sexual intimacy... Satisfying this drive is pleasurable. Sexual intercourse and the naked form of women are enjoyable, as designed by God to be." He continues, "The male brain is built like an ideal pornography receiver, wired to be on the alert for these images of nakedness... the images of sexuality grab our attention, jumping out and hypnotizing a man like an HD television among a sea of standard televisions."

All types of media, know this to be true. We cannot drive down the highway in our city with out being faced with billboard sized women in bikinis. We cannot go to a grocery or department store with out seeing magazines full of nearly naked, and sexually poised women. The internet is very dangerous. Adds with women practically naked or top naked pop up unless there is a good way to block it. Even then, pornographic images get through. The pornography industries is a billion dollar industry. And it is killing our boys.

Through his neurological research, Struthers has found, "As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on these images, the exposure to them creates neural pathways. These Neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. ...They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed. Every woman they come into contact with is objectified, undressed and evaluated as a willing (or unwilling) mental sexual partner."

What this means is that the more pornography a boy or a man views, the more his brain changes and the more addicted and the more trapped he becomes by his own brain.

Struthers said that saying "my brain made me do it" is not an excuse for sin.

He continues, "A man with a properly oriented conscience and filled with the Spirit values the image of God in women and has trained his mind to take sexual thoughts captive."

So what is to be done? I do not have a good answer. In our home, we monitor the internet, and use child protection software. We read our children's books or at least look through them before handing them over. We do not allow barbies or any other immodest girl toy into the house. We use a Clear Play DVD player and even then we are very careful about what movies we watch. We talk about pornography. We talk about what to do if something pops up on the computer. We talk about what to do if a friend shares pornography. Our daughters warn the boys to look away if there is an immodest image while we are out. We teach about the atonement.

Still, I know that my boys and my husband cannot completely avoid pornography.  They need to know what the are up against. Yesterday's world was a tough place for girls. Today's world is a very dangerous place for boys.

Thanksgiving This Year

No more stomach flu! I love when the flu only hits one person!

We had a great time. The turkey came out 3 hours late, but I didn't care because I wasn't cooking it. Plus, Grandpa made BBQ ribs and tort with raspberry sauce. Who could complain?

Everything I baked came out well, and I was particularly happy that no one ate my pumpkin pies, so we had pumpkin pie for breakfast and lunch for 2 days straight!

This thanksgiving, I am thankful for leftovers.

Next year, we are bringing banana splits with 4 or 5different kids of ice cream, candy bars, sprinkles, cherries, strawberries, different sauces, and I am not making any pies. Let's hope there will be leftovers next year too.

Something to be Grateful For

Occasionally something I loathe lends me gratitude. I loathe puking. I didn't puke at all between the ages of 10 and 20. I was never even a little tempted by alcohol no matter what my friends said because I couldn't understand why anyone would purposely drink something that could make them puke. I actually debated with myself over having children because barf horrified me so much. Of course, everyone knows how that decision turned out. I am not so terrified from puke anymore, but I still loathe it.

Yesterday, Rachel was sick. She wasn't immensely sick. She had a fever and vomited once. But, she didn't like being sick. So she prayed. Rachel prayed a lot and hard. Every time she thought she was going to puke, she prayed that she would not.

Rachel is my child that always says scriptures, and church, and almost anything spiritual is boring. She has been the hardest to get to come for family prayer and family scripture study. As a mother raising a child in today's  world of "whateverism", I have been a little concerned. So, today, as I ponder my blessings, I am most grateful for illnesses that bring us to our Heavenly Father, even if that illness ruins Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Through the Years

In  1997, we lived with John's family. I begged his family to let me make orange rolls, and so for the first time, I made bread. They were delicious and perfect.

In 1998, I  made an entire Thanksgiving dinner all by myself. It was a lot of work. But, it was delicious! We had it with My Uncle Bob, who lived near us in Ann Arbor, MI.

In 1999, I made my 2nd entire Thanksgiving dinner. Kate was my very fussy 3 month old baby, Ruth was just over 1 1/2 years, and John wouldn't help with the kids because he felt like he needed to be working, even on Thanksgiving. It was a nightmare! Kate had to be held the entire time. It took me 8 hours just to make 2 apple pies. The turkey cooked too slowly and came out 2 hours late and a little under done. I swore I would never make an entire Thanksgiving dinner again.

In 2000, our friends, the Shumway-Smith's invited our family and a few others to their house for Thanksgiving dinner. I made a couple of pies, and some orange rolls! We had a nice dinner. The kids played with their friends, and we played some fun games. John complained that Thanksgiving should be just family, and I reminded him that I would never make an entire Thanksgiving dinner again.

In 2001, we drove from Long Island, New York to Portland, ME, and had Thanksgiving with all of my siblings and parents. I believe we even took the ferry to make the drive a couple hours shorter.

In 2002, we lived in Toronto, Canada. They have Thanksgiving on our Columbus Day. But I still made Thanksgiving dinner, the whole thing, all by myself  on the U.S. Thanksgiving Day because I was home sick for the United States. John worked, and Ruth went to school. Johnny was a year old and it wasn't too bad. We enjoyed our dinner.

In 2003, we went to the church potluck Thanksgiving dinner on Canada's Thanksgiving Day and called it good! I made some apple pie on the U.S. Thanksgiving Day.

In 2004, my parents flew out to our new home in Wichita, KS. I has an awesome time making Thanksgiving dinner with my mom. It was so fun to have that time planning and cooking with my mom. What a treasure!

In 2005, I made all of the pies and jellos, and things. Then Johnny, Kate, and myself came down with the stomach flu. On Thanksgiving Day, we were recovering. I made the whole thing the day after Thanksgiving just in time for Ruth, Adam, and John to come down with the stomach flu. I think we ended up throwing out most of the turkey.

In 2006, after 3 days of cooking and tending kids, and cleaning, all on my lonesome (John still thought working was more important than Thanksgiving), we sat down to a very large, nicely decorated, carefully made meal. After trying a few things, Johnny declared, "Mom, this is the worst dinner, you have ever made!" That was the best entertainment. I don't think a sitcom could come up with something so perfect. Still, it made me think, "Why am I doing this?" Again, I swore I wouldn't do it alone again.

In 2007, John did not want to invite 3 families over to share the work, so he decided to find out why I would complain about making a "simple dinner". John helped with all of the cooking. He even helped plan the menu. We tried a lot of new things. After the dinner was over, John declared that that was too much work, and he was thankful that we would not have to do that again for a whole year!

In 2008, we decided to have a Thanksgiving dinner, we were thankful for. So we let everyone choose a couple of foods they just loved and that is what we had. We had a smorgousborg of BBQ ribs, homemade cheese fries, a roast, mashed squash, orange rolls, Italian Sodas, and banana splits. It was lovely. And it was less than half the work.

In 2009, we had moved to Utah and had Thanksgiving dinner with all of John's family. There were a lot of people and a lot of food, and it was just different, but good different. John still thought we should just all have BBQ ribs because they are easier to make. The next morning, Ruth had the stomach flu. She decided Thanksgiving meant throwing up. We have tried to tell her it is just chance.

In 2010, I made a few things and we all went up to John's family's. I declared again and again, how nice it is to have other families to share Thanksgiving with.

This year, Rachel has come down with the stomach flu. Maybe Ruth is right??? I am supposed to make pies, and orange rolls, jello and squash. I am hoping we can make it to the Robertson's. But if we have a bunch of barfing kids, I'll make the pies, rolls, jello, and squash. Then I will throw some ribs and BBQ sauce into the crockpot, make some cheese fries, and those who are not ill can join in. Hopefully, no one else will get sick...tbc

Thanksgiving Dinner, 2008, our dinner of food we are grateful for!

Shakespeare Parents Night

Friday, we had Shakespeare parents night. Ruth, and Kate, and all of their Shakespeare classmates have been studying the Elizabethan Period, reading 7 Shakespeare plays, working on over 100 vocabulary words, and making fancy presentations to teach their classmates. All of their work from the last 3 months concluded Friday night with a 15 minute production of Julius Caesar preformed for the parents and families.

Kate, the Soothsayer warning Julius Caesar to "beware the ides of March".

The senate stabbing Caesar

Ruth, Antony's servant, delivering her speech over Caesar's body.

Time for a Bow!

Ruth and Kate are really enjoying this class and all of the people they are working with. They have learned a lot including how to do hard things like read a whole bunch of Shakespeare. Now they will start actors training and begin practicing for the BIG play of The Twelfth Night.

A Thanksgiving Craft

Pilgrims

 

Stress and Stuff

Yesterday, our minivan broke down for the second time this month. At this point, we are certain the minivan is not worth as much as money as we have been putting into it. About an half hour before the minivan broke down, John and I had a conversation about how we had no idea how we were going to pay for Christmas this year because half of our Christmas budget fixed the minivan two weeks ago. Needless to say, I was very stressed yesterday morning.

When, I am stressed, I clean or I organize. This is weird, I know. So I sat down and went through my email inbox and deleted 4 months of emails. Once, that was organized, I was ready to get back into the swing. This meant school. But, I had wasted about 30 to 40 minutes de-stressing. We were behind for the day, so I had to skip some things. I skipped reading the Friend and New Era magazines  and our memorizing time. Then I felt less stressed, but guilty.

Should I really take time away from my kids education to de-stress? Well I had a funny conversation about this is the van with all of my family. My husband says, yes, but that instead of cleaning and organizing, I should eat junk food and watch a movie. The kids are all for the movie and junk food thing, but when I get stressed enough to clean a ton, well then our house is sparkling and their chores are a lot easier.

Then came the question of why? Why do I clean when I am stressed? How can that make me feel better? Well, maybe it is like a drug??? When things are cleaned and organized, I feel a lot better. There are probably satisfying chemicals that are released from my brain. But not too long afterwards, my house is dirty and unorganized again. So I clean and organize some more and feel better again. Of course, when things are flowing smoothly and I am not stressed, I have the normal reaction and do not want to clean and organize. But with this many kids, I get that stress cleaning bug every few days, and then there is my compulsive cleaning schedule that I cannot let go of even for a holiday. So drug-like? Maybe?

The conversation conclusion was, John still thinks I should eat junk food and watch a movie. The kids are undecided especially when my stress cleaning leads me to all of the nooks and crannies in the living room  and it is their turn to pick up and vacuum the living room. I think, wouldn't it be nice if I could just stick to the cleaning schedule and exercise like crazy when I am stressed.

However, I think my first conclusion is best. I should not let stress take me away from my responsibilities. In fact, if I had perfect faith, I would not get stressed. I know Heavenly Father will assist us in taking care of both Christmas and our car. He has always come through, and He always will.