A week or two ago Matt Walsh wrote a blog post to men and particularly husbands stating that pornography is wrong and akin to adultery. Knowing closely what pornography has done to families and people close to me, I really liked his bold statements the topic.
A well known Mormon blogger, Middle Aged Mormon Man, wrote a response condemning Matt Walsh. His post basically said that men who view pornography are stuck in an addiction and it is not their fault. He said these men need to be pitied and treated with compassion instead of being told that pornography is wrong. MMM stated, "If every person who had run-ins with pornography were forced to wear a scarlet letter, I promise you would be surprised to see them everywhere: At sacrament meeting. At Priesthood meeting. At Mutual -YM & YW. At Relief Society. At scout camp. And tragically, in Primary. If all of those brothers and sisters were treated by the church as “adulterers,” Disciplinary Councils would have revolving doors." Well, everyone, may see pornography, but everyone is not doing it.
A recent study conducted at the University of Cambridge viewed MRI's of the brains of men who view pornography often verses men who view it occasionally. The results were very interesting. Men who view pornography often had the same parts of their brain light up when shown pictures of nude women than that of alcoholics who are shown pictures of alcohol. Men who viewed pornography occasionally did not have that.
That leads me to the question: how many times does a man have to view pornography in order to wire his brain in such a way that it becomes an addiction. It would be more than once a week. MMM declares that wives need to forgive their husbands. I believe in forgiveness. I also believe that if a man has conscientiously chosen to view pornography so frequently that he has formed an addiction, than that wife has already had to forgive at least 70 times 7. How much should a wife have to endure for a husband who continually disregards her feelings and the feelings of their children?
Every couple I have known that have struggled with pornography in their marriage has had one striking similarity: the person viewing the pornography constantly criticizes the body and intelligence of the other. It is like criticism of your spouse goes hand in hand with the sin of pornography.
While I usually agree with MMM, I disagreed completely here. His article reminded me of the poem:
“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.”
--Alexander Pope
MMM is advocating "pity" for a vice.
I believe the real victims of pornography should be the ones to receive compassion-- wives and mothers who have been scorned and criticized by their husbands for not having the plastic false body they seek out in their porn, children who have had their families torn apart and have lost their fathers because their fathers chose to nurture their lusts rather than their children. Those are the real victims of pornography.
Matt Walsh was telling men to stand up and stay away from the evil of pornography-- to save their marriage and their families. His article seems to fit more with the words of our prophet, Thomas S. Monson when he said, "All of our choices have consequences, some of which have little or nothing to do with our eternal salvation and others of which have everything to do with it. Whether you wear a green T-shirt or a blue one makes no difference in the long run. However, whether you decide to push a key on your computer which will take you to pornography can make all the difference in your life". (President Thomas S. Monson, How to make good Choices, General Conference, October 2012)
All of the enduring, pitying, and embracing of immorality since the sexual revolution have broken apart families. It has injured countless men, and women, and children. I can only imagine what society would be like if our pity for men who have chosen enough times to view pornography that they have rewired the pathways in their brains for addiction turns to embrace their vice. What then will happen to families? At least now, churches, individuals and government leaders still see the continual viewing of pornography as a vice.
Now is a good time to help families be safe from yet another form of destruction. Matt Walsh advocating against pornography is trying to help. MMM advocating for the porn addict does nothing to really help the families suffering because of pornography.
10 comments:
Sorry: Was only trying to post this quote- which show how much you are misrepresenting what I wrote:
"There is no doubt that pornography is the plague of our generation. It is everywhere. It is insidious. Viewing pornography chases away the Spirit, and leaves us on our own. It ruins people from the inside out. It is clear that God and his servants are acutely aware of the prevalence and danger that pornography poses to us individually, and as a society. (If you have any doubt about this, click on this link. You could read for days.)
Pornography infects and destroys lives, marriages, families, and societies. It is, indeed, the plague of our generation. Please do not use anything written by me, or anyone else to justify that it is “no big deal.” It is a big deal. It is a killer."
Does that sound like I condone pornography?
I don't see how having compassion = permissiveness. You can hate the sin and not the sinner. How is condemning them going to help them heal?
Did you actually read the article of which you are now condemning? Your quotes are completely out of context and you cleary misunderstand the writer's intent. I don't believe he condones pornography at all. In fact, I KNOW this. However, his point was in shaming the sinner, we do nothing to assist in healing them.
Perhaps you should re-read.
I understand both your point and MMM's point and I think you may actually have very similar views. You are writing advocating for the victims (which, really, is the entire family, porn addict included, but of course, only one made a choice) and he was writing from the viewpoint of the porn addict who really does need help and scorning/shunning him/her when he/she really needs some serious help rarely benefits anyone. Least of all the family who is suffering so much. I did appreciate what you said about porn users. I have read similar studies and have learned much about the brain patterns and changes that occur in a user. For one who is interested in learning more about that, I would recommend the book, A Brain Gone Wrong. I thought it was very helpful in understanding exactly what we are fighting against.
I read Matt Walsh's article, and I agreed with EVERY word he said. I was sooo disappointed in the comments people left on it-- okay, not just disappointed, but disgusted.
I have had that horrible addiction affect a couple people I know and love, and I have seen marriages within my circle of friends crumble because of it.
So yes, I think it's important to remind men that it IS adultery. Yes, you can forgiven for adultery, but one has to have a contrite and broken heart to have true repentance.
Forgiveness is different than tolerance. Forgiveness is different than allowing oneself to be used, abused,and betrayed. Marriage is sacred. Intimacy is sacred. And pornography kills BOTH.
I commend Matt Walsh for his excellent post on the subject. It was heartfelt and sincere, and had much less snarkiness than most of his posts.
Wow, I am not used to this many people reading my blog. I actually try and keep it a little quiet around here and put most of the harsh opinionated pieces on the UFI blog.
I wasn't saying that MMM condones pornography as much as I believe his pity is misplaced.
I have family members that are victims from both sides-- the addict and the abandoned wife and children.
I believe that how one treats individuals with porn addiction must be done with the Spirit. Some need to be told frankly to stop and others need to be guided with a softer hand.
I still disagree with MMM. The real victims are the family members that never chose to look at porn in the first place.
I worry about my daughters and the pain they may have in marrying. I worry about my sons and how strong they need to be to avoid porn as much as possible. It is not a nice topic, but one that needs to be addressed boldly and publicly in order to support and protect the family.
Agreed... My cousin had a pornography addiction for years. He had a beautiful and talented wife, three sweet little boys, a good job and was a hard worker.
He stopped working to feel fulfilled, worked only when he had to. Caused his wife a lot of stress... she's a stress shopper, so she racked up quite the debt. He also started ignoring his kids. They got a divorce. She remarried within a year and now they have to deal with working out having the kids half the week each. Not only all of that, when he met someone and wanted to get remarried, he had to get special permission from the First Presidency to marry in the temple again.
He could have avoided all that by not doing it in the first place. I'm glad that he's doing better and that he's now worthy to marry in the temple again, but look at the years wasted in between and the lives that he upset.
wow, this was a powerful post on a very important subject. Thanks for sharing it all; I know it I a very big problem in the church.
Blessings for always standing up for the right
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