13 Years

I forgot to post that my 13th wedding anniversary was Monday, June 7th. On Tuesday, June 8th, John and I went to the Salt Lake Temple to do sealings, and then we went out to eat at The Roof in the Joseph Smith memorial building. This was a special date because we were married in the Salt Lake Temple, and we ate at The Roof during our honey moon.  We hadn't eaten at The Roof since our honey moon, but dinner cost us $105.50, so we probably won't eat there for another 13 years.

I would write about what a wonderful husband and father John is. John is amazing. I am truly blessed with a truly great man as my companion. But, instead, I am going to tell a personal story from before we were married.

My story begins about 22 years ago when I was 12. I was riding with my mom, my sister Lila, and Lila's friend Tina to a Stake Young Womens activity about 45 minutes from our home in Maine. My Mom had the radio on. A song by Def Leopard, "Pour some Sugar on Me," came onto the radio. Lila and Tina blasted the radio. I laid down on the van seat and covered my ears with my arms. I did not like hard rock, and I thought that all boys with long hair were evil. Well, my mom said to me, "you are such a nerd." To give my mom credit, I am sure she did not mean any harm, and she was probably trying to play down my drama so Lila and Tina would not be offended. But, this statement had a profound effect on my 12 year old mind. I was truly hurt, and I was determined to be someone my mother would like. So right then and there I decided that I must learn to like hard rock and to be cool and not nerdy. I began watching MTV with my sister and her friends. (I previously thought MTV was evil.) I decided I would like Poison. So I bought a poster and put it on my bedroom wall, and began memorizing their songs. I did what I could to be like Lila. I even quit trying to be a good student in school, and my friends changed. Two years later, I didn't feel very good with my trying so hard to be cool ( I had to try really hard too, because my real self is really just a nerd.) I read the Book of Mormon through and gained a pretty strong testimony. But I was still conflicted. Most of my friends were not choosing the right. Conflicted is what I remained for years to come. When I was 15 and my sister, Lila had given up all hard rock and decided that Rap was the cool music, I turned to the alternative scene. I took up The Cure as my new favorite band, and I began memorizing Cure songs. Again, my friends changed. I was now, an alternative kid. My friends wore black, baggy weird clothes. I followed. My friends died their hair black and all kinds of colors. I followed. Fortunately, conflicted is what I remained. When I was 16 I decided to read 3 chapters in the Book of Mormon each night. I buckled down in seminary, went faithfully and learned the lessons. I went to all of the church youth activities, and I kept a 3.7 GPA. But by this time, I was very depressed and represented myself as a Cure fan. So I had a rocky/conflicted youth. By my senior year in high school most of my friends were gay and were trying to convince me that I was too. I just think, "YUCK!!!!!!!!!" now, and I am so very grateful for the safety I surrounded myself with by faithfully reading the scriptures.

Well, after high school, I wanted to be near Mormon kids, and I wanted to date Mormon guys. I did not get into BYU. So much to my parents dismay, I went to Ricks College. (I think there was divine intervention in my not going to BYU like I wanted to.) Ricks was fun, and I had great friends, who were really good people. But the guys I dated were all really bad. I know that one was even kicked out of school.One wanted me to do drugs. They were just bad. I still tried very hard to be cool, and I still kept the "I am alternative, cool Cure fan" identity. But all of my friends were good normal girls who were choosing the right. I believe they really thought I was cool-- funny enough.

By the end of Ricks, I decided that I needed to enter the world dressed like every one else. So I did away with the baggy pants and Cure t-shirts, and started looking like most everyone else. My home friends were disappointed. I was the only one with a job, so I felt pretty good about the decision. After Ricks, I decided that I wanted to be closer to home, but not too close. So instead of going to BYU, I went to the University of Michigan. My old bachelor Uncle lived in my grandparents house there, so I moved in with him for about $50 a month. I met John at the labor day picnic for the singles ward. We talked the entire time. I thought John was old and nerdy. John thought I was angry, cool  and 18. I was 20, and John was 24. We spent all of our time arguing about "the Fountainhead" by Ann Rand. But it was nice arguing. After about 4 hours of talking, John told me he needed to find someone with a car so he could buy a shower curtain. I had bought a car that summer so I offered. A few days later I got a call from John. We went out to eat and I took him shopping. John and I became friends really fast. We were not at all romantic. John thought he was too good for me, and I thought John was too good for me. But, I considered John my best friend. John probably didn't consider me his best friend, but I was the only person he spent any time with. I was excited to go home for Thanksgiving (My mom is an amazing cook) for the first time in two years. Since John's family lived in Utah, I invited him to come to  Maine with me. On the way there, I played Cure songs for John hoping to convince him that the Cure was good. (John only listened to Classical music.)  After a while, I asked John what he thought. John in his, "I am always right", blunt tone said, "I like this music too. I listened to it when I was 13. But I knew it was bad and quit right away. I cannot marry someone who listens to music like this because I don't want my children growing up with bad music." This statement  hit me about as hard as my mother calling me a nerd when I was 12. I began thinking about all of the horrible guys I had dated. I always said that I would never marry any of them. In fact, I really disliked all but one of the guys I dated. I also realized that what I really wanted in life was to marry a good man like John. I wanted to to marry some one who studied the scriptures and listened to all the sessions of conference. I wanted to marry some one who loved God more than anything else. In fact, I knew that was who I had been really wanting to be for the past 6 years. I didn't make John listen to any more of my music on that trip, and when I got home, I threw away all of my cd's except for the Cranberries and John Denver who I didn't think were bad. I stunned John. He felt bad and bought me classical music cd's. But, I think that John started to respect me at that point.

I felt better once I gave up that music. I wasn't conflicted any more. The only way I can describe my feelings on the matter are it felt like how it feels when you finally pay off a large amount of debt. I was free. I am actually very grateful to John for his little life changing statement.

The rest is history. John and I stayed just friends for about 4 more months. But since we spent all of our spare time together and I had withdrawn any barriers we were just bound to fall in love. John still thought he was too good for me, and I still thought John was too good me. I remember telling my Bishop that I needed to quit hanging out with John because I knew things were changing from just friends and I was not good enough for him. My Bishop actually laughed and said John could not see what good thing he had in front of him. I think that is why I went ahead with the relationship. Once engaged, I decided that I would be the best wife I could so that I could be as good as John. We laugh at that now too, but it was sure the right decision. I still hope I can be an amazing wife for my amazing husband.

 

Here I am as a nerdy 12 year old.

Here I am with black hair, bad clothes and friends at 16

Here are John and I just after we were married