Thoughtful Thursday: Why the "Not Even Once" Club is Good

As a teen, I had a lot of pressure from my friends and classmates to break the commandments. One of the most difficult times was when my two best friends decided the three of us were going to prove that we were best friends forever by losing our virginity for our new years resolution. I said no. I lost my two best friends. For about six months I really had no friends at all because I had to make the choice between my friends and sin. I am happy with my choice today, but at the time, I was miserable.

I really like this children's book, written by Wendy Watson Nelson, "The Not Even Once Club". This book has a group of friends doing the opposite of what I experienced. They are telling each other that as part of their club they will not sin, not even once.

This book has received a lot of criticism from many people. Many people say that "not even once" is too high of a standard and sets children up to fail. Some say that they know their children are going to make big mistakes because that is just human nature. Many say that this book has an elitist attitude that excludes sinners and that it is unChrist-like. I want to address these criticisms.

1. Too High of a Standard: I do not believe Christ was setting mankind up to fail when in the sermon on the Mount He declared, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matt 5:48). That is a much higher standard than "Not Even Once". And really, given the addictive qualities of drugs and pornography do we really want to teach our children that it is okay if you do it just once?
2. We Know Our Children are Going to Make Big Mistakes: Really? Please don't tell your children that. Have you ever heard of self-fulling prophecies?  Imagine being 13 and being told by your parents that they knew you were going to have problems with the law of chastity or the word of wisdom or pornography. You would probably believe them. Then when the temptations came, you would already believe that you were at some point going to do it anyway. Instead, tell your children that you know they will be tempted, and that you know they are strong enough to resist temptations. Tell them to talk to you about the peer pressure and troubling temptations they are facing. Let them know that temptations do not make them bad. Even the Savior was tempted. Our children are not destined for big sin. They are destined to be who they choose to be and who we help them to become.
3. Elitist attitude that excludes sinners and  is unChrist-like: With the media telling our children sin is fun, our children's friends telling our children sin is fun, and curriculum in schools telling our children sin is good and respectful, why parents would not think it is desirable for a group kids to pressure each other to choose the right is beyond my comprehension. If our children are choosing the right, they will be excluded and made fun of by the majority that believes that sin is fun and good and normal. And it will hurt them and if they do not have enough support, they may give in. Who doesn't want to fit in and be popular? Remaining chaste and keeping the word of wisdom is not the popular choice.
   
   It is not unChrist-like for friend's to encourage each other to resist temptation. Christ encouraged everyone to resist temptation, to repent, and to "go and sin no more". As a parent, I would not feel bad excluding a child from my child's club if that child intended to introduce the children to some pornography, a violent video game, cigarettes, or any kind of sin. That is called protecting your children.
   
   In the gospel, the Savior expects us to meet certain standards to get baptized (be a member of the elitist club called the "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints"), to get a temple recommend, to get married in the temple, and more. Christ holds everyone to certain standards in order for them to be a part of exaltation. And Christ is Christ-like.

This Week at Our House # 40

1. John enjoyed taking Kate and Johnny to the game store to try out new games. I am glad he has kids that like to do this with him. I like some board games. But I am a poor companion for John and his games.
2. I had my birthday on Monday. I am now 38. With 9 kids, I really do not feel too old for my life. Plus, I think it is kind of funny that we start to think we are old around 40, when at that point in time many of us have not even lived half of our lives. 
3. I didn't feel like I saw much of Ruth this last week. Even though all of the kids had Thursday and Friday off from school, Ruth keeps herself pretty busy all of the time.
4. Kate loved her 4 day weekend. She relaxed. She went out with John a lot. She also didn't have much homework, so it was a real vacation.
5. Johnny had a history research paper that he was supposed to be working on for the last two to three weeks. It was due with an oral presentation on Monday and Tuesday. Johnny didn't even begin looking for sources until Monday night. Ugh! With help from parents, he got it all done. I am puzzled at how to help kids be more responsible.
6. Adam had a bit of a cold this week. He was coughing enough Tuesday night that I said he could stay home. When I woke the kids up on Wednesday morning, I asked Adam if he wanted to stay home from school or not. Adam said he did and went back to sleep. When I got home from dropping kids off, Adam was dressed and ready to go to school. Later that day, I realized that I had never made Adam a lunch. Fortunately, it was a half day. Adam never said anything about not having a lunch.
7. Rachel has not been doing her homework when I tell her to, or if she has done it, she has not been turning it into the her teacher. This is really very frustrating. I always hope that by second grade my kids would just do their homework when I tell them to without me having to check everything or to check with the teacher to see if they turned it in. Rachel spent the first half of the week grounded from friends. But on Friday, Rachel had a Halloween craft party with a couple of her friends. I just sat down with a bunch of little girls and did three different crafts and Halloween bingo.
8. Anya had the craft party too, but none of her friends could show up. I think it was because we held it during fall break. Still, Anya had fun with Rachel's friends. Anya is actually quite responsible with her homework. She always tells me that she needs to do it and that I need to help her.
9. Joseph tries really hard to stay up late every night. I got "Duck Dynasty" season 2 and 3 for my birthday, so I have been letting him unofficially stay up late and watch it with me. Joseph's natural schedule does seem to be staying up late and then sleeping in. He sleeps later in the mornings than anyone else.
10. Joshua has been answering "trains" for every question we ask him. It is both funny and hard to interpret. Josh went to the bathroom in the toilet for the first time this week. I will probably be slow potty training him, but this is always a happy milestone. When he is officially potty trained, I will take him on the front runner for a real train ride.
11. Arwen has become my little shadow. She follows me around and "helps" me with all of my chores. On Saturday, while I was cleaning the bathroom, she found me in the bathroom, looked to see what I was doing, left, and then came back with a rag in each hand. 

This Week's Pictures

Oct 2013 General Conference: ELDER DAVID A. BEDNAR

The Windows of Heaven

ELDER DAVID A. BEDNAR

I always love General Conference. I try to listen to it over and over as I clean during the six month between conferences. This last conference, I really felt like there was a lot that I needed to learn and pay attention to. In order to be sure I am learning the most and getting to know the what the Lord wants me to know from these talks, I plan to write about each talk every week on my blog. This will help me sort through what I must be doing and changing. I do not plan to go in any particular order. I am going to start with Elder Bednar's talk because I felt like his message was the one most directed to me and my family.

Elder Bednar begins by stating that he is going to talk about two significant t blessings of tithing. First:

Significant but Subtle Blessings

Elder Bednar tells a story about his mother in law. "For decades she has accounted conscientiously for the family income and expenditures using very simple ledgers. The information she has collected over the years is comprehensive and informative." Just before conference started I prayed to know what I needed to change about our finances. This isn't often addressed in conference and I did not expect to be answered. I was answered the first session. I felt so much gratitude and awe that my very personal question was answered so thoroughly. I know that John and I are very frugal. Often we have kept careful accounts. However, out of frustration over our bills and spending money, we really haven't kept close track for years. It is time to do it again. I know this is the answer to help us meet our financial goals.

Elder Bednar continues the story by illustrating how his mother in law noticed the blessing of low health care costs for the family and tied this to tithing assisting the family financially. I think as I keep better records of our spending, I will see those little blessings better.  Elder Bednar says, "Often as we teach and testify about the law of tithing, we emphasize the immediate, dramatic, and readily recognizable temporal blessings that we receive. And surely such blessings do occur. Yet some of the diverse blessings we obtain as we are obedient to this commandment are significant but subtle. Such blessings can be discerned only if we are both spiritually attentive and observant (see 1 Corinthians 2:14)."

The subtle blessing of tithing Elder Bednar shares are:

• The blessing of gratitude: "A grateful person is rich in contentment. An ungrateful person suffers in the poverty of endless discontentment."
• Enhanced Discernment: "Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience."
  

The Simplicity of the Lord's Way

"The basic financial program of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—for both income and disbursement—is defined in sections 119 and 120 of the Doctrine and Covenants." Talking about how the church takes care of tithing funds, Elder Bednar says that the funds are taken care of by the Presiding Bishopric and the Quorum of the 12 Apostles. The church uses two basic principles. First, the church never spends what it does not have and second the church always puts away a sum for unexpected needs. I think it would be good if John and I could figure out how to make these two principles work better for our personal finances. 

I know this talk was the answer to my prayer and I know what I need to do to change and receive the financial blessings we need to keep our house in better order.

Thoughtful Thursday: Time to Take an Honest, Hard Look

I have been following the government shutdown, the debt ceiling debate and who is doing what. Here's what happened:

In the days before the government shutdown, the House of Representatives did their job by passing a bill to fund the government. The Senate refused to even debate the bill and the President said he would surely veto it. This happened at least three times before the government "shutdown" on Oct 1st.

During this time President Obama gave a few speeches saying that he was the one willing to compromise. The House passed three different bills-- three separate compromises-- and yet, the President and the Senate would not budge. The President and the Senate would not compromise.

The government shutdown began. As the House of Representatives continued to pass bill after bill giving more and more up for the President and and the Senate, the President made sure what things were shutdown were felt by the people. The President wanted to punish the citizens of the United States. He wanted the people to feel pain. He shut down the parks and spent more money using guards to keep people out than he would have to keep them open. The Presidential golf course stayed open.

The House continued trying to compromise without giving into everything the President wanted. On Oct 15th,  presidential staff announced that unless the government was "opened up" soon, food stamp money would be withheld for the month of November. The President planned to take food away from the poor. On Oct 16th, the House caved and the Senate took over and passed a bill that would please our President. The House did not block it.

The House should have blocked it. The President of the United States should not use food as a way to end all compromise between himself and the legislature.

Before the house even voted, President Obama gave a speech. He said,  "I want to thank the leadership for coming together and getting this done.  Hopefully, next time, it won't be in the 11th hour.  One of the things that I said throughout this process is we've got to get out of the habit of governing by crisis.  And my hope and expectation is everybody has learned that there is no reason why we can't work on the issues at hand, why we can't disagree between the parties while still being agreeable, and make sure that we're not inflicting harm on the American people when we do have disagreements." In actuality, it is the President's hope and expectation that the legislature has learned that he will not compromise, and if they withstand him, there will be harm to the nation.

In some of the final words of his speech, President Obama said, "So hopefully that’s a lesson that will be internalized..." Yes, the President wants the House, the Senate, and all of his subjects to remember that he has the power to inflict pain when we do not fully accept and embrace what he wants.

ps. I am certain that if the House withstood, the poor people in the United States would have had food. My sister, an Army vet, who did not receive her pay during the shutdown was given food and money by many, many people. She wanted for nothing.  I wish the House withstood, I wish our legislatures could have proven that they can stop our President who does not believe he is the head of a republic, but rather the head of a kingdom.

This Week at Our House #39

1. John had his 42nd birthday on Monday. It wasn't that big of a deal for him because he has been thinking and telling people that he is 42 for the last 6 months. Does that mean he is getting old?
2. I had another busy week. I had so many things I wanted to write about on this blog, but never had a moment to sit and write. Part of me is wondering when things are going to slow down and the other part of me is knowing that they will not until January. That's alright. I love the holidays! 
3. Ruth's doing great. She's enjoying high school, getting good grades, and enjoying her friends. She really couldn't have it better this school year.
4. Kate's still drowning in homework. Ninth grade was like that for Ruth, so this is definitely a get through it year for Kate. She mentioned on Wednesday that she misses homeschool. I offered to take her back, but she declined. She wants to stick it out. 
5. Johnny had a good week. John got a big new nerdy board game for his birthday and Johnny got to spend a lot of time with Dad playing the game. I was also able to find a book for him at the library that he has neither read and he really liked.
6. Adam had a lot of homework this week. On Wednesday, he didn't finish his homework until 11pm. That seems a little much for 3rd grade, but I think Adam spent most of that time goofing off and doing other things.
7. Rachel had a fun week. I had parent teacher conferences for her. She is finally reading well, she is very nice and friendly to everyone in her class, and she is using her big imagination to tell stories to everyone.
8. Anya's doing so well in school. Legacy Prep has an advanced reading program and she can sound words out so well. I am sure she will be a good reader by the end of kindergarten.
9. Joseph was a super hero this week. Joseph, Anya, and Josh were taking a bath in our big deep tub when Arwen walked in and dove face first into the deep water. John was nearby in our "toilet room". Joseph immediately grabbed her up, put her out of the tub and alerted John. I am so grateful to have such a quick thinking 4 year old boy.
10. Last week, I switched the summer clothes for the winter clothes. This week Josh has decided that he hates all clothes. He throws a big fit every time he is dressed and keeps the fit going until he is in nothing more than a diaper. He fussed all through Costco on Wednesday. Then later when I let him run around without clothing, he cried that he was cold. Still he would not put clothes on. I think he needs to be Captain Underpants for Halloween because he's not putting on any other costume. 
11. Well, Arwen could have drowned. We are very thankful she is safe and well. She's walking around and getting into all the cupboards and drawers. She pulls the books off the shelves, and pushes toys all over the house. I think she has officially gained toddler status. Still, I like her as my little baby.

This Week's Pictures

Crazy Hair Day at school, but I think she looks more darling than crazy

We had our church Trunk or Treat and Halloween Party quite early this year. Ruth and Kate were off decorating, so they did not make the group picture. And of course, wrestling Josh into clothes was all he could handle.

This Week at Our House #38

1. We had General Conference this weekend!!!! We love General Conference. John bought all of the junk food for our conference weekend. He did a pretty good job because no one complained about there not being enough snacks and there were no left overs. 
2. As I said in the previous post. I wrote a controversial religious article for a Well Behaved Mormon Woman blog. I spent much of the week on that responding and thinking about responses. I absolutely LOVED General Conference. My most personal questions were answered as well as my general ones. It has been an amazing weekend.
3. Ruth takes lots and lots of very careful notes during General Conference now. That is pretty awesome because when I can't remember who said what, Ruth always knows.
4. Kate is still trudging along with math and all of her other homework. Friday she had a party with an old homeschool friend. That really lifted her spirits.
5. Johnny is getting busier in the evenings now with young men activities, scout activities, friends, and such. He had a scout camp out and a birthday party both on Friday night. Johnny ended choosing the birthday party because of the weather.
6. Adam got to attend the second Saturday session of conference with me in the Conference Center. He was pretty wiggly and asked a few times when it was going to end. I know he felt the Spirit there and whenever someone asked what he thought about it, he threw his arms into the air and said, "It was GREAT!"
7. Rachel lost her 7th tooth. She has now lost more teeth than Adam. 
8. I so want to cut Anya's hair. She hates getting it combed and brushed and put up. She cries every time. But she insists on trying to grow her hair like Rapunzel.
9. I've been trying to get Joseph to spend as much time as possible before it gets much colder. When I asked Joseph what he did this week, he said that all he did was jump on the tramp.
10. Joshua hung himself on our blind strings Saturday morning while I was cleaning the bathrooms and John was still sleeping. Adam was sitting right next to him and I had to scream his name again and again before he even noticed and helped. I was upstairs and the boys were downstairs watching "Avatar the Last Airbender" on the computer. The ends of the two strings had been tied together for some time. He stood up on the back of the couch, put his head between the strings and then either jumped or slipped down. I stepped out of the bathroom for a moment and heard him crying. It was a truly terrifying experience. He has sharp string marks all around his neck. I don't usually leave while I am cleaning the bathrooms. I know there was some Divine intervention in saving little Joshua's life. I will be getting rid of the blinds now.  Curtains are good things.
11. Arwen can walk really fast now. The first few times she walked fast, she stopped and clapped. 

This Week's Pictures

This is the fortune John got in his cookie on our date. We thought it was pretty funny and probably had a typo. But hey, this is the first fortune we can really count on to be true.

Snuggling with Grandma during General Conference

End of Conference dinner

I got the winter clothes all switched over. That is sure a big task in this house because of how I have to pull out all of the bins.

Thoughtful Thursday: "My yoke is Easy and My Burden is Light"

I wrote a post for the Celebration on the Family Proclamation at A Well Behaved Mormon Woman blog. I took a risk and wrote a topic that elicits strong emotions from nearly everyone: gender. And it did.
I want to address some of the negative comments.

I will start with one negative comment that wasn't actually published. In it, he quoted Matthew 22:36-40:

"36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

He was making the point that one disobeys the second greatest commandment by writing, declaring, and even believing that gender is an essential characteristic of premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. This is the most common argument by anyone who is offended at the idea that people are born the gender that they were in the premortal life as well as offended at the idea that homosexuality is a sin.

I argue that one is not disobeying the second greatest commandment by believing the teachings of the prophets and the teachings found in the scriptures.  Jesus said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments," (John 14:15). The idea that one breaks God's second commandment by believing and declaring some of His other commandments rejects the first and great commandment to "love the Lord, thy God.". One cannot both love God and reject any of His commandments including the unpopular ones on marriage, family, and gender. Jesus who has perfect love taught us when he said,"neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more" (John 8:11). If we are to keep the second commandment we cannot pretend there is no such thing as sin.

Now to another negative comment:

"I am sorry. But this is very hurtful. I have a Son who aligns with the "Male Role and identity" I have a daughter that aligns with the "Female Role and identity". I also have a beautiful transgender daughter (born male). They were all raised the same. You have no idea how painful this journey is for not only the parents but more importantly the child. It seems you have not read the churches stance on transgender persons as well. Nor do you have any understanding of science behind it. Please don't assume that my child is Satan's grasp, or that I as a parent failed to indoctrinate my child in the ways of manhood. You isolate and condemn those who are suffering and struggling."

I will respond by saying, exactly!! Families who struggle with gender identity are on a painful journey. That pain can be relieved. But it cannot be relieved by rejecting God's commandments. Jesus said, " Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light," (Matthew 11:29-30). Every man, woman, and child born into this world has been given this invitation. How do you "take [His] yoke upon you"? By keeping His commandments.

We cannot be people that are both loving, compassionate, and understanding while rejecting God's commandments. We must not condemn, but if everyone is afraid to teach the unpopular commandments then no one will know where to go to find rest to their souls. To be a loving person, one must not ignore the source where peace, love, and rest is found.