The New Gender Gap

United Families International recently asked a poll question about raising daughters versus raising sons in today’s culture. The results were split. About half the people who voted felt like daughters were harder to raise, while the other half thought that sons were harder to raise. Having 5 daughters and 4 sons, my husband and I have a very strong opinion on this matter—we worry about our boys.

We have several reasons to worry more about our sons than our daughters.

Education

Boys are behind girls in education and earning college diplomas. The institute for Education Science lists some fast facts. Between 2008 and 2009 more than 60 percent of all associates, bachelor, and master degrees were earned by women, and more than 50 percent of doctorate and professional degrees were earned by women. There are now more women in professional careers than there are men.

The National Honors Society reports that 64 percent of its members — outstanding high school students— are girls. In elementary schools in every state in the United States, boys are falling behind in reading.

Nicholas D. Kristof of the New York Times, in 2010 reported that:

¶The average high school grade point average is 3.09 for girls and 2.86 for boys. Boys are almost twice as likely as girls to repeat a grade.

¶Boys are twice as likely to get suspended as girls, and three times as likely to be expelled. Estimates of dropouts vary, but it seems that about one-quarter more boys drop out than girls.

¶In federal writing tests, 32 percent of girls are considered “proficient” or better. For boys, the figure is 16 percent.

While there are many theories for why more boys are having trouble in school, there is nothing
conclusive. One sure fact is that schools are failing our boys.

Pornography and Gender Neutrality

The prominence, acceptance and accessibility of pornography are especially harmful to boys. In William M. Struthers book, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain , he says:

The simplest explanation for why men view pornography ... is they are driven to seek out sexual
intimacy... Satisfying this drive is pleasurable. Sexual intercourse and the naked form of women are enjoyable…The male brain is built like an ideal pornography receiver, wired to be on the alert for these images of nakedness... the images of sexuality grab our attention, jumping out and hypnotizing a man like an HD television among a sea of standard televisions.
All types of media, know this to be true. One cannot drive down the highway in our city without
seeing billboard sized women in bikinis. One cannot go to a grocery or department store without
seeing magazines full of nearly naked and sexually posed women. The internet is very dangerous.
Advertisements with practically naked women pop up on otherwise innocent websites. The
pornography industry is a billion dollar industry. Pornography is very harmful to boys.

The popular idea that girls and boys are the same and that gender does not matter is, like pornography, more harmful to boys. As a result of this theory, parents are not teaching their sons what it means to be masculine. When gender doesn’t matter, society no longer believes that a good male role model is important for a boy. Nathan A. Cherry from the Engage Family Blog wrote:

And parents, rather than actually being parents and teaching their sons how to be men and their
daughters how to be women let their 3 and 4 year olds make all the decisions regarding their gender
identity and sexuality. Incidentally, has anyone ever noticed that little girls are rarely confused about
their gender identity, but little boys seem to be the ones mostly “confused?” I guess the idea of removing a father from the upbringing of a little boy really does have consequences.

Movies, Television, and Video Games

Media—movies, television shows, and video games-- both the addictiveness and messages in the media are harmful to boys. In movies and television shows, “The typical male portrayed in the entertainment media is clueless, socially inept, irresponsible and immature.” (CROUSE: Sacrificing boys to promote girls - Washington Times). One of the more recent popular children’s movies that illustrate this is the Disney’s 2010 version of Rapunzel. Rapunzel is a spirited, intelligent girl who can accomplish anything. All of the male characters are bumbling thieves and that need protecting and healing from Rapunzel. Like many movies today, Rapunzel is stronger than all the men. She is intelligent and talented while all of the male characters are ”socially inept, irresponsible and immature.”

As parents we don’t have to wonder why our daughters say that they ”want to be princesses who
grow up to ninjas” and our boys complain that they can’t measure up because “girls are stronger and
smarter”.

Video game addiction is real and affects mainly boys and men. A brain-imaging study by researchers at Stanford's school of medicine displayed gender differences in the brains of men and women playing a video game:

The researchers found greater activation in male brains in three brain structures - the nucleus
accumbens, amygdala, and orbitofrontal cortex - and that the brain activity increased according to how much territory they had gained. The female brains showed no such correlation.

What Can Be Done?

Parents, be advocates for your boys in school. If your son is struggling or falling behind, find out why and do everything you can to help your sons succeed. Make education important. Have enforced rules about the internet and gaming. We do not let our children have cell phones or kindles or any hand held device that connects to the internet. When we first had children, we decided our children would not have TV in their bedrooms. When the time came to decide about internet usage, we understood that if a TV in a bedroom could be harmful to a child, internet in their pocket would be a lot more harmful.

Allow your boys to do sports and be physically active, but do not let sports be more important than time with the family.

And finally, make sure boys have a good male role model. If you have a traditional family, that is great. If circumstances have made it so your son does not have a father in the home then make sure your son has an uncle or a grandfather nearby or that he has a good, working relationship with his father. Boys need good men to help them succeed.