Who I am, and Why I Stand Where I Do: Part II

In Part I of "Who I am, and Why I Stand Where I Do," I went over a bit of my teenage/young adult history with homosexuality. In Part II, I want to discuss, why some of the things were the way they were, and what happened to some of my old friends.

First, looking back at that history, I think people wonder if this could possibly be true. Where were my parents, why did I have friends like these, etc. So here are some answers to those questions. Yes, everything in Part I is true, and happened exactly as I described!

Where were my parents? They were right there, and I am sure that they worried about the friends that I had. I do not think they knew everything that was going on or how consistently my friends tried to push me away from religion and toward a life of sex. I think that my parents would have had to spend a lot of time questioning me about my friends and things that they say. I didn't really discuss things that went on away from home with my parents. I may have been vague when they asked. I know they did ask me on occasion. When they did push, in a teenage fashion, I pushed back.

Why did I have friends like these? I had one thing in common with all of my friends: depression. At age 7, I developed childhood depression. That continued until I was about 21. All of my friends, were like minded-- misery enjoys company.

How, when most of the people I spent time with were pushing me to be atheist and sexually active did I remain religious and morally clean? My parents were a big part of this one. We had family prayer, and family scripture study. We were required to go to church and all of our church activities. When I was seven years old, my family had moved a great distance, I was experiencing depression from the move, and my parents were experiencing severe financial problems. My world had turned upside down. My parents asked their bishop what they should do. Their bishop told them to read the Book of Mormon everyday as a family. My parents followed that advice. Being the serious little child that I was, I noticed a change in our home from before we had Book of Mormon reading to when we had it everyday. This made a HUGE difference in my life. I learned to love the Book of Mormon at age seven because I felt happier when we read it together as a family. I read the Book of Mormon through for the first time between the ages of 7 and 11. When things were tough for me at age 13, I read the Book of Mormon again. When I was 16, I decided that I needed to read 3 chapters from the Book of Mormon most nights. When I was 17, my New's Years Resolution was to read the Book of Mormon everyday no matter how late it got. When I got married at 21.5, I had read the Book of Mormon 23 times, The New Testament once, and the Doctrine and Covenants twice. I had also read whatever church books I could get a hold of. I think I really did crave religion. And I needed that. My diligent scripture study is what kept me safe, and firm in my religion.

Now, I want to talk about what history, I knew of some of my friends. First there was Sam, my one friend, that I met at 16, and he later became bi-sexual and then gay. I mentioned that he told me that at age 12, he kissed a boy that he had over his house during an "innocent friend sleepover" (There is a reason we do not allow sleep overs with our children.) After he decided he was all gay, he got a boyfriend, Nick. About 3 months into this relationship, Sam began seeing a psychiatrist, and was put on anti-depressants. One could argue, that Sam had leanings that way anyway. True, but not to the same severity. Two years into Sam's relationship with Nick, he began having sexual relationships with a girl. After a few months of this, Sam felt guilty and got a different psychiatrist to reaffirm his homosexuality. Nick, also sought professional help and began taking medication.

Another friend, Shawn, in my original group of 5, decided he was bisexual after he graduated high school. He had many male partners, but was always trying to find female partners. When I was 20, he was interested in me. I was not interested back. A few months after my rejection, he declared that he was 100% gay. I heard from him just before I got engaged, but not after. He also sought psychiatric help about the same time he tried out homosexuality, after high school. He confided in me that his psychiatrist helped him realize that he was all gay (as opposed to bisexual) and that is why he was having trouble with depression.

The guy that decided he was gay and wanted to have relationship with Travis, joined the army and decided that he mostly liked girls and a lot of alcohol.

After about 3 months of the bisexual girl always being physical with me, I quit hanging around her. I do not know any of her history. But at the time I did know her, she was on a couple of different psychiatric drugs, and was being told by her psychiatrist that she was gay and things would go better for her if she embraced her "true self".

Another friend that I acted in musicals with, was a small framed guy that liked dancing and singing and acting. A lot of men would say, "Oh, he is just gay, and does not know it yet." When he was about 22 after being told that he was gay consistently for years, and after graduating college with a degree in acting, he became gay. A year ago, he ran into my mother. He said to her that becoming homosexual was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life. He said that he often mourns the loss of a wife and children. He also said that he cannot escape the homosexual lifestyle.

My sister, who liked sports, is tough, joined the army, and has always been a tomboy has had many people and especially psychiatrists tell her that she is a lesbian and that she just needs to embrace that lifestyle. My sister has not given into that pressure and the one thing she wants most in life is to marry and have children.





Part III coming soon

I will discuss how my experience with homosexuality has formed what I believe about it.