When I was pregnant with Ruth John's parents told us how important Santa Claus was, and how people who say telling your children about Santa Claus is lying to them are not seeing the big picture. They said that children need to know that everything they get doesn't come from their parents. They concluded that teaching about Santa Claus is akin to teaching your children about the Savior. Because children need to know that Salvation comes through Jesus Christ. Santa is a good way to illustrate this. I believed my in laws knew everything back then, and while I thought their opinion was a bit strong, I had no problems with doing Santa Claus.
One year later, John and I excitedly took Ruth to the mall to see Santa Claus. As we sat our baby daughter on the Santa Claus's lap, she looked at us like we are abusing her and immediately began screaming. The Santa Claus just looked annoyed and handed her back. Oh well, next year we think.
Another year goes by and it is time to see Santa Claus again. This time, Ruth won't even go into the same room as Santa Claus or any man with facial hair for that matter. We sit 3 month old Kate on Santa's lap, snap a few pictures and feel disappointed that Ruth thinks Santa is evil.
Less than one year later, I start telling Ruth that if she wants to get dinosaurs for Christmas, she has to be brave and ask Santa Claus to bring them. I wanted to prepare her not to be afraid. When the time came, Ruth walked to within about 5 feet of Santa Claus and yelled, "I want dinosaurs!" Kate, would not even look at Santa Claus, not even from 5 feet. Ruth leaves feeling more brave than excited about Santa bringing dinosaurs for Christmas.
The next year, Ruth is 3 1/2 and Kate is 2. I bring them to mall the to visit Santa Claus like usual. We walked around the amazing singing reindeer display in New York. We talked about what they wanted for Christmas. I told them they did not have to sit on Santa's lap. They just needed to tell him what they wanted for Christmas. I sat on a bench with Ruth and Kate near Santa Claus so they could build up their courage. (I really wanted them to be excited and to like Santa Claus.) After watching Santa Claus for a while, Kate turned to me and very seriously declared, "I do not like presents anymore." I felt TERRIBLE! We went home and we did not visit Santa. I promised Kate I would talk to Santa Claus for her, and that she could get a present that she would like.
Another year later, John and I were a lot less interested in our kids being excited about Santa Claus then we were interested in knowing if they were still terrified of him. We went to the mall again. Our 41/2 year old, 3 year old, and 1 year old all cried before we even got into line. I tried having them watch Santa Claus movies to get them to like him. Nothing doing. Any man with a beard was a bad guy period. At this point John and I were pretty confident that teaching our children about Santa Claus was nothing like teaching our children about the Savior.
After Christmas this year, I had a very unique conversation with Ruth and Kate. We sat down to the table to paint. I asked what they wanted to paint, and Ruth said we should paint magical things. Kate chirped up with, "Ruth, don't you know there is no such thing as magic." Curious, I asked what made Kate say that. Kate replied that while she saw magic in movies, she had never seen magic in real life, and had therefore concluded that magic was not real. Kate then stated that if magic was not real then fairies were not real, and Santa Claus was not real because they did magic and she knew that magic was not real. I was actually impressed with my very cynical/logical three year old. Kate did not end there. Kate declared that Heavenly Father was not real because she could not see Him. I asked her if she then believed in Jesus, and Kate said yes because she had seen Him in movies with real people. (Okay, so her logic was a little flawed.) I bore testimony that Heavenly Father is real, and that he is the father of her spirit and that she would see Him again. I said no more about Santa or fairies or magic. I think this is the most memorable conversation I have ever had with a 3 year old.
The following year. I pretty much gave up on Santa Claus. We did take the kids to the mall, and this year, Kate who was not sure Santa was real anymore was not longer afraid of him. Kate grabbed, Ruth's hand marched her up to Santa Claus and said, "See he is not scary." Then she pulled on his fake beard, and said that he wasn't even real. Ruth was no longer terrified and decided it was OK to believe in Santa Claus now. This whole Christmas season, Kate asked me whether or not Santa Claus was real several times. I just told her that she could believe he was real if she wanted to, but if she did not want to that was fine too. Ruth really did believe that Santa Claus was real, but this was the only year.
The following year, at the very beginning of the Christmas season, Kate now a big kindergartener, came to me and very solemnly said, "Mom, I need to know the truth. Is Jesus real? Is Heavenly Father real? Is Santa Claus real?" I told her the truth. Yes, Jesus is real. Yes, Heavenly Father is real. No, Santa Claus is not real, he is just pretend. A day later, Ruth came to me crying. She told me that Kate said Santa Claus was not real. Before I could talk to Ruth, Kate said, "Mom, you cannot lie to my sister." Okay, Ruth Santa is just pretend. Would you mind not telling anyone else? Then Kate brought me Johnny and told me that I needed to tell him the truth too. Kate then told Dad the truth who declared he was glad not to be lying to our children anymore. Kate also told her entire kindergarten class, but they did not believe her. (FEW).
That summer Kate told her 7 and 9 year old cousins "the truth". I had a very angry sister in law that told me my kids were not mature enough to not believe in Santa Claus. (Well, I did try). But I was no longer in league with my husbands family and their opinions on Santa Claus. My kids were good, and happy and religious and didn't believe in Santa Claus. I had a good counter example.
A couple more years went by, and Adam just from watching TV and playing with his cousins believed in Santa Claus. Kate brought him to me to straighten him out, but no. You can not tell a child that believes dogs talk and monsters are real, that there is no Santa Claus. Good, I didn't want another tussle with sister in laws. Kate would get no presents if she told her cousins. John thought I was being rather harsh. Oh well, we made it through with no lies and no telling those who should not know.
The next year, last year, Johnny told Adam that Santa Claus isn't real. Well, Adam believes everything Johnny says. If Johnny says something that is proof of the truth of it. Adam goes ahead and tells his kindergarten class. They don't believe him.
Now this year, a strange thing has happened. Rachel is 5. Rachel has as strong of a personality as Kate. Rachel believes in Santa Claus no matter what Kate, or Adam, or anyone says. I think this is partly due to Rachel wanting "everything" for Christmas. I had a conversation with Rachel at 5 about as interesting as Kate's at 3. Rachel came to me and asked if we could visit Santa Claus. I kind of gave up on that all together the past 5 years. Rachel wanted to tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. So sure. Yes, we can see Santa Claus. We make a plan to see him. A few days before the scheduled Santa visit Rachel comes up to me and says, "mom, when I visit Santa Claus, if his beard is real, then I know that you are wrong and I am right. And when I visit Santa Claus and his beard is real, then I am the one telling the truth and you are the one telling a lie." Okay, then Rachel, sure, let's check the beard. I was curious to see what would happen. On the way to see Santa, John thought he better educate our younger children on what they should do. He told each of them that they should tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas. John asked Rachel what she wanted. In Rachel fashion she confidently declared, "I want everything in the world." A little shocked, John asked Rachel if that was very fair and shouldn't she be more realistic. John eventually got Rachel down to 10 and then 2 Polly Pockets. While they went to see Santa, I took the baby and the older kids to Claire's. John said it was "delightful" watching Rachel, Anya, Joseph, and even Adam going excitedly up to Santa and telling him what they wanted for Christmas. When I met back up with them, Rachel said she pulled the beard. It is real, and she is right. Santa Claus is real and she is definitely getting polly pockets and maybe everything in the world for Christmas.
Now, John and I aren't being exactly one on the topic. He thinks we need to start things afresh with our younger children and do Santa Claus more thoroughly. I am not on board with that. Probably because I still feel terrible for trying so hard to get my terrified little daughters to believe in Santa Claus. I don't mind that Rachel believes in Santa Claus and loves him and wants everything in the world from him. I don't mind that Anya and Joseph like Santa Claus because Rachel so thoroughly loves him. But I WILL NOT compare Santa Claus to truth, and sacrifice and certainly not the Son of God. I will make the books I read and the conversations I have with my children about Christmas mainly about the Savior. We can do Santa and snowmen crafts. We can visit Santa in the mall. We will hang up stockings and one of the three presents we get for our kids will be unwrapped and sitting below their stockings from Santa Claus. But when my kids ask, I will tell them Santa is not real, but he is fun to pretend about just like fairies, and magic, and ninjas, and scooby doo, and bionicles.
One more note: Kate has decided that she is going to homeschool her kids and never even mention Santa Claus. So they will never know about the "Santa Lie." And I bet Rachel's kids will all love and believe in Santa with their whole hearts and souls. Christmas with all of the different families being raised from my different children should be very interesting.
5 comments:
wow, that was such a interesting story. A couple of my children wouldn't sit on Santa's lap ever; so I know how that goes. I think because of the era I was raising my childen;it seems like they all just learned there wasn't one and there wasn't any conflict. However, I think it is because they didn't learn as early as children do now. There wasn't as much talking about Santa not being real.
We attended a wonderful ward Christmas party and they had 3 wisemen that came out and gave the children little presents. At that moment I thought that perhaps it would have been good to have this as a tradition instead of Santa Claus. However, I watch as many Santa and Christmas movies as I can through the Holidays.
Blessings to you and keep on enjoying the moments of this sweet season with your lovely family.
So fun to hear the santa craziness you've had! LOL. I was raised with the Santa stuff, but don't remember when/how I learned it was not real. My husband and I were not 100% united on not celebrating Santa with our own children in the beginning, but we are now. We've never done Santa so we've had several stories of our child/children telling others or outright arguing with others about it. Our reminder has always been - everyone chooses different things to celebrate, and Heavenly Father gives us agency to choose. In our family we choose to celebrate Jesus' birth at Christmas. But we can't choose for other people.
A semi-controversial tidbit in our life - we've skipped a lot of ward Christmas parties because they include a visit from 'santa'. Many at church don't understand, but of all the places in this world we believe the church activities should focus on our Savior's birth, not the world's replacement of santa. (We also don't attend church halloween parties - no matter the friendly name like harvest party).
To each their own. We're the same with Easter - no bunny!
Interesting. This has been a big discussion around our house lately because my almost 5 year old niece just told her preschool class Santa wasn't real = many mad parents. My siblings and I were all raised without Santa - my parents didn't put down those who did believe, but it was just considered something like a fairy tale and in no way connected to the celebration of Christ's birth.
I have to admit that I am very confused by your in-laws thinking. A connection between believing in Jesus Christ and his gift of salvation and Santa seems extremely conflicting. How can one tell their children repeatedly that Santa is real until some point where they decide to let them know he isn't and then expect that to influence their faith in Christ - a being whom one can also not see but requires faith to believe in. I would think that if anything it would cause a child to question their belief in an unseen God even more! I'm not saying you can't believe in Santa and God, but the connection of saying that believing in Santa helps foster a belief in Christ and his salvation just seems extremely contrary.
I got into trouble with Santa early on too because I would read scripture stories to the kids and tell them how this is real and true. Then they wanted to know which stories were real and true and which weren't, so we just explained that Santa is just for fun and pretend. Santa always comes and we don't confirm or deny his existence, but they all know it's me but they want to keep it fun for the younger kids so they all play along. I even told them they can leave presents from Santa but if they do, they can't tell who it's from, Santa is an anonymus way to leave gifts for anybody and we can all be a Santa.
I've tried to take the path of least resistance on this one--we just don't say much about it. I will read stories that have Santa in them and their stockings are from Santa but that's about all the hype on it they get from me. The kids are free to believe or not (I do caution them as they get older to allow their younger siblings to believe what they want about it and not "tell" them.) They all get to a certain age and just grow out of it. If they ask me if Santa is real I counter with "What do YOU think?" If they are content to keep thinking he is, fine. If not, we talk a little more. A few years ago my almost 3 yr old had a traumatic incident with Santa (didn't want to sit on his lap at the church party) and later on she matter of factly told me, "I hate Santa." I laughed. She is entitled to her feelings! ;)
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