An email I got from Ruth

It went something like this:Susan: I want to marry Batman. Gideon ask me to marry you.
Gideon: "Yes"
Susan: "No. Gideon ask me to marry you."
Gideon: "Yes."

Susan: "Gideon say will you marry me!"
Gideon: "I will."
Susan: "Gideon you are supposed to ask me to marry you."
Gideon: "Yes. I will marry you."
etc.

Spiders,Snakes, and Garden School

 

We are in the middle of garden school. Garden school is a week or two weeks each year before things start growing again in which we prepare the garden, clean up the yard, and generally try to fix things, clean things, and weed things to prepare for spring planting and to have a cleaner nicer yard. We have completed one week. We've cleaned up a lot of garbage, mowed down a lot more space in the overgrown part of the yard, weeded last year's garden, gotten some spiky weeds out of our large wisteria bush. and worked on building a bunny hutch. We still have to finish building the bunny hutch, repair the deck, dig up more garden space, get some seeds planted both in pots as starts and some in the garden for cold harvest plants, and plant the 11 fruit trees that we bought. In the middle of all of this schooling, we've found a dead snake and a giant spider. The giant spider, we found in the woods where we are digging up leaf compost and the snake was in the overgrown section of the yard that we have always called snake and spider soup. 

Garden school is a lot of hard work and it teaches the kids to appreciate their academics a little more. But it is also an enjoyable time to be outdoors before the heat and humidity of the summer hits. 

   

Pizza

 My pizza has vastly improved and my kids are LOVING it. The pepperoni is the favorite one right now, but I got a picture of the bacon and pineapple. 

In Which Ruth Becomes a Mother Bunny

 

Ruth bought meat rabbits. They're pretty, very soft, friendly, and cuddly. We're still building them a permanent home, and Ruth is as worried about them as any first time mom. One night, her male bunny escaped, but he was easy to find. He escaped to my fenced in garden where there is currently a lot of very nice green grass growing. Ruth will breed her bunnies and even buy another one or two more females to increase her gene pool and she will sell them. But she loves them, and so do all of the young children in the family.

    

Sam's Ideas

 

 

I showed Sam a youtube video of a woman in an 1820's American style log cabin washing dishes with water carried in from a river and heated on an open fire place and then brought and washed in a dry sink. I explained to Sam and the other little ones present how that 200 years ago they did not have lights and had to make and use candles, and they did not have electricity or water brought into the home, or ovens to cook in or computers, air conditioning, or phones, or cars, etc. 

Later Sam came to me with a drawing that he had just completed. It was a floor plan of a house with a kitchen and kitchen appliances. Under the house he had drawn an underground river with pipes bringing water into the house and the other pipes to allow water out of the house. He also had a pipe to bring lava in to heat the stove and make fires in the fire place, and another box that held ice and had a fan blowing over the ice to cool the house. 

Rachel's Narrative Essay

         

You can't prove this is not true right?
Dear Diary,
Nobody knows my secret. They all think I'm just Rachel thier not very smart and lazy sister. But they are quite wrong because they don't realize that I am an imposter among them. The real Rachel was captured years ago and I was put in her place. A doppelganger so her family wouldn't notice their beloved daughter was missing. So who am I really? I cannot give my real name because I discarded that years ago. I am now generally known as Madam X, a super secret agent, who has been sent by her top secret organization to spy on the Robertson family.


I have been sent here because Wonderful Girl is one of our agency's greatest enemies, the city's hero. And she has appeared at the Robertson's house countless times. I live there hoping for her to reappear. I am also suspicious that she is actually their relative because of how friendly she is when she visits. I think she is probably a cousin or something. So I asked to email my female cousin who is around the same age as Wonderful Girl. I want to investigate my theory more than that, unfortunately I must remain here for the sake of the mission.


Before I came here to the Robertson's house I had to learn everything there was to know about Rachel. And I have played my role perfectly. I make sure to cry at least once a week during math time. I also whine whenever anyone tells me to do anything. I even make cocoa every day. I had to give up on my diet for this mission but that is just one of my many sacrifices as a loyal spy. I even matched her taste in men by only liking the small boyish characters or the ones that go traitor in TV shows, books ect. Even though in truth, I only like tall muscular and cool men. I am very grateful this girl never socializes or else I would have to act out her taste with real men and the thought makes me shiver. Nobody has ever suspected me as not being their real sister Rachel. That's how good of an actor I am. Maybe if I ever can or will retire I'll become an actress, I know I'll be famous.


I hate pretending to be Rachel. She is not smart and doesn't care. She has horrible taste in everything especially fashion considering she only ever wore pajamas and sweaters. She won't even put on makeup. Oh, how I have suffered. But I put up with all of this and I will continue to do so until my mission is complete. I will play the role of Rachel as best I can even if no one will get to know the real Madam. X. The beautiful, fashionable, intelligent, Madam. X hiding behind her pair of gleaming sunglasses.

Joseph's Sarcastic Essay

  

I think he might be able to write for the Babylon Bee, or better yet, start his own satire news co.

        

Why the classics are crap.

The great scientist Darwin proved the theory of evolution. Which theory states that we were once unintelligent monkeys. Then after a long time we became more evolved, our bodies developed to be more convenient. We started becoming more intelligent, we learned new things, we created new things, and eventually we invented writing. Our writing at the time was primitive, and was done by carving on the walls of caves. Eventually we created clay tablets that we carved on. We kept on advancing with the creation of papyrus and other forms of writing. And eventually we invented the paper and the pen. Many books were written with this form of writing. Then many more with the invention of the typewriter, And finally the greatest and most advanced form of writing the computer. Just like the ways to write evolved, our writings themselves did too. Many books with primitive ideas were written with paper and ink, and clay tablets, and less advanced forms of writing. For example the bible, this primitive writing claims there is a god. Now science proves that there is clearly no such thing. It was a silly idea for a more primitive time, just like any other superstition. We have finally made ourselves rid of these primitive ideas and primitive writings. Of course we can never become fully rid of these, there will always exist idiots who stick to old primitive idiocies. Although there are still some primitive idiots around, we as a species have evolved. The old classics like Shakespeare and Dickens are beneath us. This explains why so many of our generation don’t understand these writings. Just like I don’t understand the moo of a cow or the bock bock of a chicken. I don’t understand the writings of Dickens. Most think this is because they were smarter than us. But the truth is we are smarter than them. In my opinion these old writers should be treated no greater than a monkey. Not only did they not understand psychology like we did, they didn’t understand grammar like we did. Here is an example from an old book written by Victor Hugo published 1862.

“So long as there shall exist, by virtue of law and custom, decrees of damnation pronounced by society, artificially creating hells amid the civilization of earth, and adding the element of human fate to divine destiny; so long as the three great problems of the century—the degradation of man through pauperism, the corruption of woman through hunger, the crippling of children through lack of light—are unsolved; so long as social asphyxia is possible in any part of the world;—in other words, and with a still wider significance, so long as ignorance and poverty exist on earth, books of the nature of Les Misérables cannot fail to be of use.”

This is a very long run-on-sentence. There is no reason why a sentence cannot be short and has to be long. This sentence is really a paragraph. But for some reason they couldn’t put in periods. And not only that, it feels like it’s written in a different language. Who can understand this? Just like we cannot understand a primitive being like a monkey when it talks. We cannot understand a primitive being like Victor Hugo when he writes. Many sentences like this existed with those primitive writings. Sentences that were ungrammatical and nonsensical were throughout old primitive books. In my opinion these so-called classics are damaging to society. They introduce old primitive ideas that we have left behind as a species. If we continue to pamper and hold to these primitive writings, it will postpone and damage our continual evolution as a species. We must abandon these old writings. To hold onto them is like holding onto to living in caves. It was a primitive idea that was useful when we were still like monkeys. When we advanced past monkeys we learned to use tents. Then we learned to build houses. And the creation of houses led us to create new useful structures. We must abandon these old writings like when we abandoned tents. If we never abandoned them we would still be nomads. And if we don’t abandon these old books we will never advance further.

Dr Joseph. PHD