Thursday, October 21, 2010
Good Persective Change
Often I feel very busy and overwhelmed with the tasks of taking care of all that goes with raising my children and keeping home. My evenings are very busy, with cooking dinner, cleaning the house, bathing the kids, reading and getting everyone to bed. Over the last six months I have often found myself wishing that John would do more. Then about a month a ago John got sick. He was not doing anything, nor would I have asked to him too. That is when I was blessed to have a change in my perspective. John was sick and therefore I was doing everything that needed to be done. I helped with all of the homework, did all the cooking, organized and completed all of the chores, did all of the reading, and all of the bedtime routines. By the time I had everyone in bed and the house cleaned, I was absolutely exhausted! I really had no idea how much John actually does to help out at night. I guess I thought just because I am very busy, I was doing the majority of the work. It's good to know, just how much my dear husband helps out. I really appreciate all he does, especially helping Ruth with her math and tucking Anya and Rachel in at night.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
John's Comments on My Blog: President Monson's Relief Society Talk
I thought John's comments on my blog post: President Monson's Relief Society Talk were worth noting. He said, that I should not put aside the decisions we have made for our family as not being good for everyone. He said, we have based a lot of our decisions on "The Family: A Proclamation to the World"
The part he is referring to says:
"Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."
John said that we need to be compassionate and tolerant of all people, we need to take into account other people's circumstances, but without judging, being prideful or offending, we need to stand up for what is taught in our church as the truth or what is best for the majority.
I still have a lot to work on, but it is nice to have such a good husband.
The part he is referring to says:
"Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."
John said that we need to be compassionate and tolerant of all people, we need to take into account other people's circumstances, but without judging, being prideful or offending, we need to stand up for what is taught in our church as the truth or what is best for the majority.
I still have a lot to work on, but it is nice to have such a good husband.
Oh The Things They Say and Do
1.On Kate's first day of fall break a lot of my younger children were crying a lot more than usual while I was doing the morning chores. When I stopped working the first time to see who was crying and why, it was Rachel and Kate was holding her. After some prodding, Kate let go of Rachel. Later, it was Adam and Kate was holding him. Again, after some prodding, I got Kate to let Adam go. Another time, it was Johnny, and Kate was holding him. I said to Kate, "Why do you keep hurting your brother and sisters?" Kate simply responded, "I am not hurting them. They are just wimps!"
2.After breakfast, Anya said to me, "I am sick. I need to watch a movie." (Anya is not sick, she just wants to watch a movie.)
3.John was sitting on the floor working on his laptop and Joseph was hanging around him, trying to pound on the keyboard. After about a half hour of John blocking Joseph I asked, "Joseph, are you a stinker?" Joseph said, "Dah," (meaning yeah) stood up, grabbed the box of wet wipes and brought them over to me.
I love my funny kids!!!
Kate did get sent to bed until she decided to quit hurting everyone. She decided that rather quickly too.
Anya colored instead of watching a movie.
And asking Joseph if he was a stinker diverted his attention away from the laptop.
2.After breakfast, Anya said to me, "I am sick. I need to watch a movie." (Anya is not sick, she just wants to watch a movie.)
3.John was sitting on the floor working on his laptop and Joseph was hanging around him, trying to pound on the keyboard. After about a half hour of John blocking Joseph I asked, "Joseph, are you a stinker?" Joseph said, "Dah," (meaning yeah) stood up, grabbed the box of wet wipes and brought them over to me.
I love my funny kids!!!
Kate did get sent to bed until she decided to quit hurting everyone. She decided that rather quickly too.
Anya colored instead of watching a movie.
And asking Joseph if he was a stinker diverted his attention away from the laptop.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
President Monson's Relief Society Talk
In our church, we believe that God speaks to us through His apostles and prophets. We believe that what they say to us in conferences is what God needs us to hear and know. Today, the President of our church and the man we believe to be a prophet, seer, and revelator is Thomas S. Monson. When he spoke to the women of the church in the Relief Society General Conference, I knew that the things, he had to say, were things that God needed me to hear and to adjust in my life. I am very grateful to have a prophet of God to deliver these messages to us. I realize I have some things to change that will indeed help me improve my life and my family.
He said, "None of us is perfect. I know of no one who would profess to be so. And yet for some reason, despite our own imperfections, we have a tendency to point out those of others. We make judgments concerning their actions or inactions."
"There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: 'Judge not.'"
"My dear sisters, each of you is unique. You are different from each other in many ways. There are those of you who are married. Some of you stay at home with your children, while others of you work outside your homes. Some of you are empty nesters. There are those of you who are married but do not have children. There are those who are divorced, those who are widowed. Many of you are single women. Some of you have college degrees; some of you do not. There are those who can afford the latest fashions and those who are lucky to have one appropriate Sunday outfit. Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences tempt us to judge one another?"
I am not the type of person that would say anything out loud to some one I disapproved of. I would not criticize some one openly to another person. That is really not my nature. On the other hand, I know that I often feel very critical of other people in my heart and in my mind, and that keeps me from having real love toward people and real, true charity.
I got married at 21, got pregnant right away and dropped out of school because I did not want to have any more student loans. My husband and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom to my children, and $20,000 more in loans would not make that possible. I know that these decisions were the right decisions for me and my family. But, I think through all of these 12 and a half years, I have felt superior to other mothers who chose to work. I suppose this has to do with jealous feelings. We have always been on the poor side. When I see these mothers with big careers and big beautiful homes and lots of lessons for their children, I feel a bit of envy, and then in my heart I make a judgment. I decide that I am better, or that my kids are better off than these womens children. My children have to learn to share and to do without things, but they get more of my time. I think that I also make this judgment because women who do well in the work force and who have completed a lot of schooling get a lot more respect than women like me who stay home and who are not educated. I judge these women to make myself feel better about my decisions and my lack of material possessions and prestige. I have always known in my heart that this judgment is unfair and could even be cruel. But, I still find myself dong so to make myself feel better.
I also find myself judging rich people. I think, "how could they spend so much money on such a big home when people down the street are suffering in tiny run down homes." or I think, "the people in Haiti and other parts of the world are suffering so severely. These people should be putting their money to help God's children." Having written this out, because I have never said anything like this not even to my husband, makes me cringe. That could really hurt a lot people. I need to change. I need to stop judging. President Monson said, "There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize." I know this is true, and I need to change my thoughts.
President Monson said near his conclusion:
"I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere".
I need to have this charity. I know that if I gain the kind of charity that causes one to be "tolerant and lenient toward the actions of others," I won't feel as alienated and alone in my ward and neighborhood. I expect one of the first steps in gaining this is for me to stop envying wealth. Another is to realize that just because the choices I made for my family have been good for my family, does not mean that these same choices would be good for other families. I know that we are all children of God and that He really and truly loves all of us. I love all of my children fairly equally even when I have one kid who is fighting me on every point while another kids is doing everything he or she can do to be good and choose the right. I still love and care deeply for both children. Certainly God feels even more perfectly like that. So, after 12 and a half years, I am going to do whatever I need to rid my heart of these judging feelings. I am sure it would feel a lot nicer to just be true friends with everyone I know.
He said, "None of us is perfect. I know of no one who would profess to be so. And yet for some reason, despite our own imperfections, we have a tendency to point out those of others. We make judgments concerning their actions or inactions."
"There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: 'Judge not.'"
"My dear sisters, each of you is unique. You are different from each other in many ways. There are those of you who are married. Some of you stay at home with your children, while others of you work outside your homes. Some of you are empty nesters. There are those of you who are married but do not have children. There are those who are divorced, those who are widowed. Many of you are single women. Some of you have college degrees; some of you do not. There are those who can afford the latest fashions and those who are lucky to have one appropriate Sunday outfit. Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences tempt us to judge one another?"
I am not the type of person that would say anything out loud to some one I disapproved of. I would not criticize some one openly to another person. That is really not my nature. On the other hand, I know that I often feel very critical of other people in my heart and in my mind, and that keeps me from having real love toward people and real, true charity.
I got married at 21, got pregnant right away and dropped out of school because I did not want to have any more student loans. My husband and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom to my children, and $20,000 more in loans would not make that possible. I know that these decisions were the right decisions for me and my family. But, I think through all of these 12 and a half years, I have felt superior to other mothers who chose to work. I suppose this has to do with jealous feelings. We have always been on the poor side. When I see these mothers with big careers and big beautiful homes and lots of lessons for their children, I feel a bit of envy, and then in my heart I make a judgment. I decide that I am better, or that my kids are better off than these womens children. My children have to learn to share and to do without things, but they get more of my time. I think that I also make this judgment because women who do well in the work force and who have completed a lot of schooling get a lot more respect than women like me who stay home and who are not educated. I judge these women to make myself feel better about my decisions and my lack of material possessions and prestige. I have always known in my heart that this judgment is unfair and could even be cruel. But, I still find myself dong so to make myself feel better.
I also find myself judging rich people. I think, "how could they spend so much money on such a big home when people down the street are suffering in tiny run down homes." or I think, "the people in Haiti and other parts of the world are suffering so severely. These people should be putting their money to help God's children." Having written this out, because I have never said anything like this not even to my husband, makes me cringe. That could really hurt a lot people. I need to change. I need to stop judging. President Monson said, "There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize." I know this is true, and I need to change my thoughts.
President Monson said near his conclusion:
"I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere".
I need to have this charity. I know that if I gain the kind of charity that causes one to be "tolerant and lenient toward the actions of others," I won't feel as alienated and alone in my ward and neighborhood. I expect one of the first steps in gaining this is for me to stop envying wealth. Another is to realize that just because the choices I made for my family have been good for my family, does not mean that these same choices would be good for other families. I know that we are all children of God and that He really and truly loves all of us. I love all of my children fairly equally even when I have one kid who is fighting me on every point while another kids is doing everything he or she can do to be good and choose the right. I still love and care deeply for both children. Certainly God feels even more perfectly like that. So, after 12 and a half years, I am going to do whatever I need to rid my heart of these judging feelings. I am sure it would feel a lot nicer to just be true friends with everyone I know.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Anya's Set Up
This morning Anya set up her toys very neatly and cutely. She had one of the larger plastic toy boxes set upside down with a small flowery pillow on top. Then she had set a bunch of toy dishes on top like a little tea party. She also put a smaller plastic toy box and set it up like a chair. John and I saw it and told Anya how cute and nicely she had set up her toys. Anya then said, "the cat," and then began kicking over her nice little set up. To our surprise, the kitten was trapped under the biggest box. This was not a nice little tea party Anya was planning, but a cunning cat trap!
A Rachel, Mom and Dad Story
Rachel has never been very good at doing any chores at all. She is now four and a half and I really think she should be taking more responsibility in cleaning up her own messes. What that really means is that I have officially declared war with Rachel. Everyday, I ask Rachel either to pick up her crayons, her toys, or her books. This means that I ask her nicely to do it about five times over about a half an hour. Since she rarely picks up in that period of time, I begin to threaten her. She is threatened with a spank, or with being sent to bed early. I will give her the threat about 5 times over another 15 minutes. If she has not gotten to work by then, she gets the threatened punishment. Yesterday, Rachel got to ten time over about 45 minutes. I was busy making dinner and asked John to give Rachel the spank. John said he would and went over to Rachel and said that Mom said he had to give her a spank. The next thing I heard was Rachel saying, "Thank you, Dad. I love you Dad." I asked John if he had spanked her and he said that he had and that the thank you and I love you was her response to the spank. I do not think Rachel picked up at all last night. I definitely lost the battle yesterday!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Too Busy
The last two weeks have been so very busy. I feel like I have only been home to cook and clean and then it is out and doing again. Today, John's birthday will be similar. This is always hard because I miss out on playing and reading to my younger children, and when I do sit down with them, it is very rushed. I don't feel like riding in the car and going from store to store or place to place counts for time spent with your children. At least not decent time spent with your children. I am only having time to blog because I woke up early to help Ruth to get to school early to make up gym class from when she was sick. In about 15 minutes everyone will be up and getting ready for the day. Then I will rush to get the laundry separated and started, and the upstairs vacuumed before we head out to buy John's birthday presents.
I am really hoping that next week will be a lot calmer. In fact, I really think it should be. The kids have a four day weekend next weekend, so that will take some of the school pressures off. I would also like to get them to the zoo before it gets too cold. But I think a day or two at home doing art projects and reading and chatting would be a very good idea for us at this point (Of course, that means another trip to the store to buy some art stuff.)
I am really hoping that next week will be a lot calmer. In fact, I really think it should be. The kids have a four day weekend next weekend, so that will take some of the school pressures off. I would also like to get them to the zoo before it gets too cold. But I think a day or two at home doing art projects and reading and chatting would be a very good idea for us at this point (Of course, that means another trip to the store to buy some art stuff.)
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